okay, here's what happened yesterday.

I wa super excited on Thursday, I couldn't sleep unti around 12 plus. then, woke up on Friday at 5.30, got ready for school. then I did my Maths homework in the morning. yep, school, then CCA. after CCA ended, here goes!

so I change to my plaid tshirt and black skinny jeans, and took a cab to Changi Airport. then, I went straight to Macs. however, nearby there was a large group of SHINee fans gathering about a gate. so, I went to chope a place for my friends who was going to come. and I wanted. suddenly, this group of girls started running to another belt. everyone was like "what happened?" next thing, I was running, following them, and carrying my school bag and dustbin, and the bag of clothes.

so, I managed to get a good view! so I waited.
and waited.
I met a nice person called Charlotte from RJC. then we started talking to each other. at around 6pm I started to stand up on the dustbin. [nifty ah, I brought the dustbin so that I can stand up and see clearly? (: ] so I got a really good view. my phone started showing low batt messages, so I offed it.

at 8.45pm, I on the phone. everyone was chanting SHINEE, SHINEE, SHINEE! and there were a couple of false alarms.

then, around 10 plus, BOBBY KIM CAME! everyone cheered and took photos. my back was hurting, I didn't had lunch and dinner, and I was feeling very sweaty and stuffy. then, I squat down for a whilte while catching my breath.

after a super long time...

SHINee came! oh my goodness I was SUPER EXCITED LAH. I saw Jonghyun, Taemin, Key, Onew and Minho. especially Minho oppa, I was screaming his name! and I cheered, screamed somemore. Jonghyun even waved to us on board the bus! Key covered himself with his jacket,but Jonghyun's face, I saw clearly and Minho was looking as hot as ever, with a red cap. Taemin keep covering his face! then Onew came with the luggage and walking slowly. I was screaming like CRAZY.

so it was really really worth it. 5 hours wait to see this really, awesome moment! (:
I'm extremely happy. that was really, the best thing I ever had. (:

I can proudly say I SAW SHINEE @ CHANGI. (:

haha. I brought my homework file, or scribbling file to MT class, then I showed Hafizah the SHINee sticker that I just bought.

"who is this? so handsome."
"uh Jonghyun oppa. Jonghyun."
"abeh ni?"
"Key."
"ee! he looks like girl."
"really meh? betul ke/"
"I like this one. (points to Jonghyun oppa's pic.) he looks manly."
"omgiddy, are you serious?!?"

oh yeah, need to mug for Chem. and settle all my hmwk, plus the tshirt, and class bbq, and notebook payment, and settle Hui Sian's surprise birthday present [woohoo (: ]. and 4, thanks a million for giving me the Stand By Me lyrics sheet @ your chinese newspaper. Ily (: and no probs for the Teenage mag. go and have it (:

I've decided to cut down my expenditure for magazines. no more seventeen (: and I am darn sleepy. oh, when Anita and I drink lemon tea @ McDonalds, it looks like we drank whiskey in small glasses. (: we'd gulp a big one, and slam the cup on the table. and...I want lemon tea now. okay I shall make a cup (:

btw, SHINee looks so cute in animal costumes @ Hello Baby!

everyone's getting iPhones. I'm getting one soon, hopefully. if I get, the first thing I do is to download Taptap. and upload ALL the SHINee songs. EVERYTHING. (:

I still like my pm.
3 loves CHOI MINHO, 4 loves LEE MIN HO.
(:

tres fatiguee. ...

okay, nice, memorable quotes.

"you don't know? I bought the Teens magazine for SHINee! look, on the cover!"
"~omg shows the lame face~ Where's the SHINee section?"
"oh wait ah..~flips the pages~there! then got this page, and this page, after that..."
"ah, Lee Minho?!? omg he's so cute! I love his straight hair! makes him more cuter!"
[I think it went like that (: ]

-

"she's my bridesmaid." LOL!

-

and then, there was the time that we sang Noona Neomu Yeppeo from class to the Chem lab. ended off with "REPLAY, REPLAY, REPLAY~"

-

"bla bla you know this bla bla bla SHINee bla bla bla oppa..."
"STOP TALKING TO ME ABOUT SHINEE! oops, wrong person!" :D

-

"Waxyyyy..."

okay so this is my wallpaper. desktop wallpaper, not the room one la crazy! but, if I get to makeover my room, I'll make the "free wall" in my room to become a mural of SHINee. then can just admire them every single day. for now, poster only (:

*gives Minho in a cake to Zrizee. but then.. Minho's flaming charisma will melt it xD

ohmygiddygoodness el oh el! (:

I've put myself to torture for the past 2 school weeks. I even cried after jogging because of the same thing. and just before I went to bathe, I cried also. but this, heartbeat, thinking, keeps me sane and alive.

I've already told Sab, Anita and lemon pudding. oh yeah, Ying Chao also...and I'm not planning to tell anyone else, case closed. not really, just building a private conference room, with soundproof rooms. I've had problems with privacy for the past, school life, honestly speaking. then, I'll just spread my love. Sab went "wow (:" and Anita was happy. okay, I even showed her the conversation, lol. lemon pudding, think same reaction also...

I didn't see CW oppa for 1 half years see. and honetly speaking, the printer needs to be fixed. I think the nozzle got clogged up. anyway, I feel lonely sometimes, because when I needed the person most, wasn't there...and I still have a wish to go to Korea. the culture is interesting (:

I'm very exhausted now. okay, shall do self reflection and watch Seconds From Disaster, and get "salvation plaster". here's the story, every time I wear a plater on my fingers, I alwasy decorate it, and I always write CW and SHINee, both in Romanization and Hangul. and if got place, a heart and a butterfly. okay, then I can bet that there's a person in religious class who wants to -, know. so by thinking of CW, and SHINee, I can well, "resist temptation." EL-OH-EL!

I'm still pissed off. but at something different, this time. damn damn damn, I don't know what to say. what, a stupid problem. should have pulled out long long time ago. how dumb I was; not to realize something that shoud have been done, 1 year ago.

I really think I should vamp up my phone, I'm a little bored of Lumines. okay, I shall go mug for O Levels, then if my results are BOW-WOW good I'll get an iPhone and I can't wait to touch here touch there.

my dad is helping out for BOTH ss and hist! I asked if he knows Venice, and he starts expressing his great interest for Venice because of 1000 years of success as a city state...and I need to read my SS textbook, honestly.

it's 10:07 am, and I want ice lemon tea, watching Seconds From Disaster, wishing with sand marble circular spherical clay balls for CW oppa. YES, that was what I was wishing for @ Bintan. one onion layer gone, but the bad thing is that, there's still a million layers yet, plus there will be more layers to replace the removed ones. so it's like peeling a vicious cycle of onion peeling.

I've successfully uploaded 2009 Year Of Us album and Romeo album by SHINee. and I love all the songs on the mini albums. especially JoJo, Get Down, Talk To You. I still have to upload 4 more, but I can do that another time. for now, ciao (:

don't want to talk about today.

I just started crying today; about things that were just, too, big. and worrying.

oppa I miss you.

AIGO AIGO AIGO, aigo! I want to scream and tell this wonderful statement to my so-called-clique, like Sab, shikin, Fairuz..but then only Sab knows so yeah (: amacam? I thought bedek je abeh aku cek lagi abeh, alamak, betul lah.. (:
not bad eh (: oh right and I told lemon pudding also...

so Aigo!

hello.
so I just curhat-ed with firstly, my lab partner, then a couple of friends, Sabrina (about CW), then a friend of mine who lies apple pie and lastly my MOTHER. yes, unbelieveable, but I had no choice.

I just feel like "screaming at the top of the world". but then I cooled down after talking with the last 2 people. the effect is really tenfold (:

cause now I just don't want to be the fire that starts,
but if I choose,
I'll be a block of ice.

CW oppa,wherever you are, okay please just give me a sign that you are still around and still remember me aits. (: oh, btw, oppa, I printed on glossy paper and keep in my pouch (: oh yeah, and your birthday's coming!

speaking of oppa, I took 30 minutes to decorate the plaster by writing the SHINee members' Hangul names, and when I went to chemistry lab, it got destroyed within 5 minutes. brilliant.

I love all the M! countdown videos. especially the class president one.

"If I become the class president I'll kiss all of you."

SHINee's Flaming Charisma Minho

sorry ah, just post smth in Malay/Indonesian. don't understand, open new window/tab, go translate.google.com, then yeah.

pertamaa.:
gue sih senang karena gue hari ini dapat wuihh, keputusan yg bagus dehh. tadi gue nangis buat sementara sih, soalnya gue takut kalau nggak dapat apa yg gue mau. (:

kedua.:
gue nggak senang dgn sebuah masalah yang temen gue hadapi. ya, mungkin gue juga terlibat. yaa, kalau nggak suka , ya nggak usah kan me-mutilasi-kan, uh apa namanya, persekitaran kita orang ya. soalnya, nggak smua org yang suka pergantian, jooi. gue, sih, beneran ya, kayak nyanyi lagu Ada Apa Denganmu, gitu loe. bukan bermaksud gue nyalahin orang, cuman, ya gue sih sedih, ama marah. sampe terjejas lho studies gue.

ketiga.:
gue rindu banget sama temen gue yg skrng nggak tau di mana, tapi gue harap dia juga ada perasaan yg sama. soalnya, dulu waktu gue sedih sedih banget, dia slalu di situ buat aku. makanya, dia ada tmpt di hatiku. ya skrng, gue nggak lihat dia slama 1 tahun. imagine ya, kangen-nya betapa besar. ok, di mana loe berada, gue mahu bilang gue kangen sama kamu.

keempat:
I LOVE SHINee. (:

nervous.

I'm going to take a sack full of rice and bring it to school, then start jumping on it with rage and hatred. I don't know why, currently it's the only way I relieve my anger. can't punch my pillow cause it's soft and I can't scream cause I have a sore throat and I can only sing to make sure that it's not gone. yeah. btw, I'm not angry cause of people, I'm angry because this stupid device I just bought can't work.

oh look, I saw Hitler walking down the streets of Orchard Road.

Ying Chao and I have a new, nice, hand sign. something that reminds me of CW and the toilets. we kinda invented it during recess..or was it during assembly? anyway it was yesterday.

bloody damn, you're my ten.

I heard that from a friend of mine. hardly see her nowadays...

I want to watch the SHINee's Chicken CF, the Mexicana chicken CF because they are awesome in that CF and Onew oppa is ex funny. speaking of SHINee, I have a personal reason why I heart them. and it worked, honestly (:

Hui Sian got some awesome GIFs of SHINee! I laughed like crazy when I saw Jonghyun oppa's reaction when there was nothing in the box.

hai, majide! lol I love I Survived A Japanese Game Show.(:

okay I'm going to do my hmwk.


NineBall - Hingga Akhir Waktu

Ku coba untuk melawan hati
Tapi hampa terasa di sini tanpamu
Bagiku semua sangat berarti lagi
Kuingin kau disini
Tepiskan sepiku bersamamu

Tak `kan pernah ada yangg lain disisi
Segenap jiwa hanya untukmu
Dan tak `kan mungkin ada yang lain disisi

Ku ingin kau disini tepiskan sepiku bersamamu

Bagiku semua sangat berarti
Kuingin kau disini
Bagiku semua sangat berarti lagi
Kuingin kau disini

Tak `kan pernah ada yang lain disisi
Segenap jiwa hanya untukmu
Dan tak `kan mungkin ada yang lain disisi

Ku ingin kau disini tepiskan sepiku bersamamu

Hingga akhir waktu
Hingga akhir waktu
Hingga akhir waktu

I want to let go, to be free and "spread my white wings and look in ______'s eyes". I can still handle it, but I'm not sure whether I can last it or not. maybe crying helps, just to let this overflowing beaker of emotions mixed with other solutions break and so that it doesn't overcome me.

my scalp is itchy, dandruff all over.

sometimes my eyes go blurry and I visualise myself in situations. like the time I saw CW at Changi Airport. and this can happen ANYWHERE, even in school. it's most of the time happy things. and frankly, this happen very often this week. maybe it's a sign?

I am in a period of "miss-ness". like I miss someone. and valentine's day? damn I need to find, send, signed sealed delievered.

be strong, me!

so there goes.

CW said,
"so much much.
like sky and the earth.
하늘만큼땅만큼."

firstly, what a day! okay, Joline is my temporary table partner. she's nice (: very nice. (: and awesome lab partner HWEE HOON is behind me. (: oh, just now after school I showed Hui Sian my hp wallpaper, she got to excited and me too. (: then we swopped phones and looked at all the SHINee images that we both have. and we spazzed about them all the way to the 100/135/155 bus stop.

oh, btw, I wrote a poem. it's mostly about my current feelings and how relapses occur randomly in people. so yup, I wrote it at exact 12 midnight and it was one A4 sized paper long (:

I'm still reading the Message History. the shop is a super hero (:

I said BAM in front of the laptop. my cheeks are feeling quite hot, and the fingers making a war on the keyboard. again, heart can't stop this little pattern. it's like raindrops, drip drip drip.
and while going down memory lane, there are breaks. and wishes, sometimes done overboard. tell me, are feelings permanent? it's like a tattoo sometimes, it's hard to get rid of.

oh yeah Xin Yi, I saw your pm, quoted from someone right (:

now this is much clearer, with the splatbangwheewoohoo thing.
I don't think it's just a simple 2 way mirror. milly says i's more than that, when I talked to her. but 2 years, gone. oh well, guess I'll have to wait.

oh yeah, I remember mentioning dongsaeng somewhere. where?

but then, it becomes crystals. it wouldn't stop. what, with this empty presence here, right here. okay, I admit, I just feel like crying. it's called amnesiatic relapse, not sure if there's such a phrase or not :/. what would I do to make someone come back, really. it's a twisted world. and they say it's a small world.

it's LKH, LKH all over.
somehow, I can't believe it. got caught in a STUPID problem, when an even bigger problem I failed to notice.

still,
live goes on.

yeap, that's my rantings. I try to twist a little here and there so that the real message does not seep through. and I made it look like a lunatic's speech. after all, I'm always known for the madness here. and..yeah. (:

aigo.
CW oppa ah;
thank you for everything.
as in, EVERYTHING. from the package, to the invitation.
you're awesome, and sweet.

can't understand huh?
just expressing my thoughts and memories.
I'm pooh bear's loverr. well, sort of.

oh yeah, heard of lions, tigers, bears, oh my ride?
I was about to scream that. and SCANDALOUS! which I already had.
I am still pooh bear's loverr. sort of.
cause, damn, lead, Ily. I bloody damn ly.
my hand is vibrating, and it's beating up again. what do I feel? and why, really why, do I feel this, over and over again, in my room, everywhere.
it's going to be a little lonely.
like a phantom rider, turning the wheels, like a daily visitor at my doorstep, and we'd share words. and then, it's like ouch ouch ouch.
well, damn yeah. Lead and I, we go together.
outside.
is it nice? heck yeah.

MY LAPTOP CAME BACK! and guess how extremely happy I am. so yeah.
my cousin installed a cooler fan so that the laptop won't overheat again, cause that's what apparently happened and that damaged the laptop.

so the first thing that I opened up was My Received Files and CW's photo was still there (: phew. then I went to read the message history. and there were
flashbacks.
I used to remember our nice conversation, with some imbued stuff dragged inside.
and then the chocolate box that I gave.
hey, guess what, I bloody damn miss you.

so if I could just rewind my life to that event, I'll knock some sense into me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY my lovely amigo HUI SIAN (:
btw, I love the photo set of SHINee ! haha we were screaming at it in the canteen, lol. can't even recognize Onew oppa and Taemin oppa cause their hair was - .

I met Kui Yan @Sembawang MRT and we were talking about the barbeque. it's nice to meet her again. that reminds me of the time Li Na bashed Ramya's nose by accident. again lol (:

Irene passed my awesome VIERRA MY FIRST LOVE. okay, so I have to upload This Is Us, 2009 Y.O.U, Romeo, A.Mi.Go, The SHINee World, SHINee The First Mini Album, Humanoid, My First Love into my mp4.

I'm darn sleepy. okay, I'll go see message history and open the revamped Windows Live Messenger.

no I don't understand. we're riding on a rollercoaster ride, and a freak accident occured in which one of the carts fell off. and it couldn't be rescued. thus, seventeen shards occured.

if someone could just see the appalled, shocked, look I have on my face.
cause my whole world is going to turn upside down.

this is the shock of my life.
oh well, c'est tres brilliant.

something so small as a joke came true. better check what I'm saying. (:

I'm exhausted,
I need to photocopy important stuff tmrw,
I need to pack my bag tmrw,
I want to lie down for a few hours and just not think of anything,
I'm figuring out how to stick the superposter of Vierra on the wall,
I'm trying to find out where I should put ST12's poster,
I need to collect The SHINee World Version A on Friday,
I need MONEY,
I need to save MONEY,
I need some light snack,
I MUST get 10 or lower for L1R5,
I have to reduce computer time,
I must study and revise more,
I got to control my emotions and not say vulgarities that, 5 years ago I wouldn't even dream of saying,
I have to figure out how to print A6 sized papers on an A4 sized printer,
I need to upload 6 albums' worth of songs into my mp4,
I better put back the Tokio Hotel Humanoid CD back into the casing,
I think I'll go see The Titans' Melayang Lagi CD,
I need to do the design,
I am DAMN HUNGRY,
I need to make more sand balls and wish for the same thing over and over again,
I extremely miss CW,
like really really really really really really really.
I wish that CW would IM me again like last time,
I'm not sure what's the current status of my Geog hmwk,
I don't know what to do with the Vicks,
I feel peachy,
I feel very pissed off at things that really need the probability equation,
I feel as though I'm still in the MRT.
I have to get the sneakers,
I have to pack my homework file,
I must figure out how to attach safety pins to cardboards,
I wonder if I should watch The Boy In Striped Pajamas online,
(come to think of it I may want to find the book),
I'm thinking of the best colour combination for the meet up,
I'm thinking of zooming aeroplanes and city sky celebrities.

point no. 1, L1R5 of 10 or lower. that will be fantastico.

point no. 2:

it's cold outside, but they say it's beautiful
and here it was;
the kitten out of the basket? no it sounded wrong.
but cold water sprung out from nowhere.
out came winged spirits from the heart. and out came
fantasy thoughts.
so now, looks at the stopwatch, the golden pocket, and saw
the past has gone by. looks so fast.
in a corner, scrunched up like a piece of paper;

probably won't understand. but that exactly describes how I feel today.

so, do moodswings run in my family?
oh I don't know.

Tokio Hotel - World Behind My Wall
It's raining today, the blinds are shut.
It's always the same.
I tried all the games that they play,
But they made me insane.
Life on TV it's random,
But it means nothing to me.
I'm writing down what I cannot see
Wanna wake up in a dream.

Oh, oh.
They're teeling me it's beautiful.
I believe them, but will I ever know
The world behind my wall.
Oh, oh.
The sun will shine like never before.
One day I will be ready to go,
See the world behind my wall.

Trains in the sky are travelling
Trough fragments of time.
They're taking me to parts of my mind
That no one can find.
I'm ready to fall.
I'm ready to crawl on my kness to know it all.
I'm ready to heal.
I'm ready to feel.

Oh, oh.
They're teeling me it's beautiful.
I believe them, but will I ever know
The world behind my wall.
Oh, oh.
The sun will shine like never before.
One day I will be ready to go
See the world behind my wall.
See the world behind my wall 3x

I'm ready to fall.
I'm ready to crawl on my kness to know it all.
I'm ready to heal.
I'm ready to feel.
Take me there!
Oh, oh.
Take me there!
Take me there!
Oh, oh.
They're teeling me it?s beautiful.
I believe them, but will I ever know
the world behind my wall