so I went to 4M, after settling some admin and school stuff. (the usual homework...)
then after that I wanted to see Fairuz. but then Kashmiira was there then she was near the window. I said "OH MY GOSH MINHO IS HOT!" she was like "ya, oh my god!" and I think we were practically swooning over him. lol, fangirling (:

okay ANYWAYS, then after that Sarah Ang came, and we were talking about something. I think it still was about the SHINee Minho thing.
it was strange, because we were talking over the window, and I joked "why are we talking over the window?" then I came in. haha then 5 seconds later we got out again to go down for morning assembly lah!

so then me, Kashmiira, Sarah Ang, Rugaiyah and some other people reached the hall. then I talk talk somemore with Kashmiira about the Minho thing.and then I said "ya, not like Hyun Joong! his eyes big the lips also big LIKE GOLDFISH. HAHA (:"

after that we were moving around and then without knowing I said "Hyun Joong is hot."
OOPS! then Kashmiira gave the I-saw-that...face (:
"NO NO NO if I say that again..."
then Sarah Ang joined us! she asked,

"oh hey what yall talking about?"

"oh about Hyun Joong. you know Hyun Joong?"

"(shakes head)"

"the Boys Over Flowers, the Korean drama, got 4 guys right? got one, super tall and has black curly hair-"

"(nods head)"

"then got one with super long brown hair and big eyes and big lips?"

"uh...I don't know."
"but I like the pottery guy..."

"HUH WHAT POTTERY GUY?"

"huh got someone make pottery in the drama! I like!"
"ah ya ya! you don't know Hyun Joong and I don't know your mysterious pottery guy! good good, we're both the same!"

HAHA ANG WHAT POTTERY GUY. I also don't know, I never watch the drama! I only know got Minho and Hyun Joong and Hye Sun. duh, main characters...okay haha, but your reaction that time was SUPER CUTE (:

1. I do election, but I learn about others (:
2. JOLINE HAS SOMETHING, THAT IS SUPER COOL.
3. today's last episode of Cruel Temptation, is it?
4. I decorated my calculator. bet you, Gloria will find it interesting (:
5. Mr Tan said that Mel had an "infectious bright, bubbly personality."
6. hey! say! jump!
7. GLORIA LOVESSSSSS SHINEE JONGHYUN. for you! hey but my Minho is better luh. (:
8. oh shoot I forgot to reply to Joyce. ):
9. I'm watching 1/8 of the SHINee Photobook DVD thingy.
10. SAB YOU'RE A SUPERHERO. bling bling too! (: entah nggak tau ngapa stlah gue bicara ama guru gue, eh semua dibuangin deh...(well actually bukan SMUANYA...can I belt out MENGHAPUS JEJAKMU by PETERPAN? (: speaking of that Idk their new name and their new album...
11. HAHA MY FOOT.
12. yah, gue hrus gi lgi dehh...
13. "psst, blah blah blah. (:"
14. I want to be like Key oppa when he was walking down the walkway in Changi Airport the first time they came to Singapore. not bad.
15. camp time! reflection time! chanting time! practising time! wallie time! bluetooth time! OMONA-cry time!
16. I think I'm going to post on yourjuliettestory. maybe?
17. eh, Jonghyun oppa's vocals are AWESOMEE!
18. Charice used to perform with KYUHYUN? what?!?
19. doo bop doo bop doo bop.
20. and that's, the end of the line.

I've started a new private, personal blog. its called yourjuliettestory.blogspot.com, after one of my favourite SHINee songs.
I've used it as therapy and so far it works.
but I'm still writhing from the events today.
I feel quite hurt, quite bruised, quite injured, quite broken, quite fragmented.

"bling bling, do you know how I feel?"
"hm~"
"I feel like, you know those kind of branches that are neatly broken in half, except for a splinted that's remaining? I have a fear it's going to be broken."

I would love to scream, to curahkan my isi hati to someone. I just needed someone to listen. but-. now I see why.

gue faham artinya. lepas gue baca gue faham artinya. Sab, kalo loe baca, gue INGIN curhat. ): tolong gue donk. ):

had good luck today.
1. I handed my French homework late.
2. I slept at 1.30 pm, and woke up at 10.45pm, leaving me with only 1 hour to get ready for piano lesson.
3. I dropped the fork and spoon, dropped breadcrumbs, nearly spilled milk.
4. I made my mum angry.
5. I wasn't full of energy, I was very very exhausted.
6. I nearly fell asleep during piano class.
7. I wanted to watch Cakka Nuraga @ IC3, but someone shut the TV off first.
8. I couldn't finish all my homework today. I didn't achieve what I wanted to achieve.
9. I am on the brink of losing friends again.
10. I'm fighting a losing battle within myself.
11. I'm falling sick.
12. I nearly vomited again.
13. I couldn't remember what I did just now.
14. I cried, alot.
15. I just found out that I'm going back to the path again.
16. I found out that I wasn't really what I thought others were.
17. I comtemplated parasuicide at some point;


thank you, bling bling, but I guess, it's not meant to be.
for now, let me say goodbye.

bling bling;
thank you.

get me a gun.
I'm going to die.

wasn't the darkest of nights,
the best of all.
so that's what one said,
as she sits at the corner with all these, crocodile tears.
she said,
"do I have to do this thing?"
something in her said yes.
the liquid slowly turning red,
the self slowly disintegrating,
the mind slowly morphing;

stop.
gone.

so many nights I wonder why,
what can I do to make it right.

before I'm about to say what I want to say, I want to say a couple of things.

firstly, to Jialun, thank you for somehow cheering me up just now in school! I was belting out SHINee songs to you non-stop, like JoJo, Love Like Oxygen, Replay [which you keep calling Noona(: ] and my voice is slightly hoarse, but all for the sake of a friend (: yep, and I'm going to practice Noona Neomu Yeppeo!

wow, the urge to eat HALAL BIBIMBAP and RAMEN is really really big. haha speaking of that, I watching Real Deal for a Good Deal and Jade Seah is in this Korean restaurant, so I demanded to my brother "okay, after the Korean restaurant thing you can shut the television already!"

I didn't know Sec 4 life was SUPER BUSY. it totally caught of off-guard. I thought "yeah right, it's just going to be like sec 3 life" but then when I actually "jump" into it, it's more than it's thought. every single day sure got homework and every single week sure got test and I got tuition and the most important thing is PREPARATION FOR O LEVELS and my EMOTIONAL CHECK. emotions, they are like slippery tadpoles in a glass jar full of water about to break. if the jar breaks, the tadpoles are unleashed. plus, less sleep and the fear of losing your eyesight, SHINee love! yes yes but we must all keep "Fighting!"

______________________________________________________________________
now this section is dedicated to an awesome, super really awesome, person.

I'm so blessed to have a super awesome friend like her.
I'm older by what, a couple of days.
I have to set an example to her.
she thinks I'm smart. HA! she's smart as well.
I keep a heart-shaped box full of things she give.
she LOVES JONGHYUN OPPA. and LEE MINHO, and JUSTIN BIEBER. only the Jonghyun oppa I like (:
she knows how many lanyards and what are the lanyards that I have.
she makes me smile every singleee dayyyyyy. (: (:
oh yup, she's the first person that I introduced my new best friend to. it's got lots of little bits though (:
our register numbers added up together is equal to the register number of another of our close friends as well.
wth, she got 2 phones. nah, I got 2 phones also (:
she knows I've done something that I think it's now pretty stupid, but I'm still tempted to do it.
8 donuts was thought by her as toenails. somehow I don't get the connection...
and, we baked pies before!

person, by the time you read this you know who you are already! yep, you're my:
DONGSAENG
a.k.a lab partner.
when I saw your latest post I just cried - till this day I still don't know why. thank you so much for everything that you've done for me, thank you for opening up my eyes before it's too late, thank you for everything! (: saranghaeyo! <3

yay Shafura and Shakespeare LOVE SHINee too! I still remember during French, when we were about to go home, Shafura tossed her correction tape across the table (cause she was on one end and I was at the other end of the table, see) then I saw the Hangul, and it took me 5 seconds to read.

"Key...oh, KEY OPPA SARANGHAEYO. (:"
"so fast?!?" (this one was from Haryati.)

haha wow so your favourite member is the almighty KEY! that's cool (:
Gloria printed out for me the SHINee Minho one, I was so happy when seeing it! I thought Minho looked a bit like SJ Kangin for one second. but still (: KAMSA HAMNIDA Gloria (: [babo! haha (: ]

okay I'll get my daily dosage of KitKat now. after that, I'm going to write a letter again, and it must be at midnight. somehow, I don't really know why I choose that time, there's just something mysterious and exciting about midnight. maybe because it's the start of a new day?

I still don't understand why one third of physics teachers go to heaven.

Taemin moved seat! now she's near the window - that can be good and bad. good thing is that dongsaeng and unnie can see her clearly now! and passing things is simply through the window. bad thing is that rain can just whoosh in, and she'll be like an indicator of rain. ~Minho comes to the rescue with an umbrella~ just joking (:

and 46 more mins to go;

HI TAEMIN GAHH good luck for your competition tomorrow! bring your Taemin pic! [btw I found one with him laughing alongside a very uh, nice horse (: ] and I super love your wallpaper! he looks so manly; no more the adorable person when he debuted! I'm going to bring pics of my superawesomehot flaming charisma MINHO (: and ze plaster (:

guess what's the weird thing? sometimes I'd just randomly go and think of my Taemin, and there she pops out. what a coincidence (:

had practice just now @school, AWESOME! everyone's starting to crack up and let loose of strings, and just have FUN. I love this group, they're so fantasticelastically awesome. and for such a short period of time, wow :D and kudos to Mrs Jai too (: then after that, went to Pastamania to have lunch (ordered what Teo recommended which was DELICIOUS) and then walked around to buy the costumes, after which we decided to get this nice dress and denim jacket at Cotton On. I could see many parts of Teo's personality that were rarely seen, and Jes' reaction was funny! SOLOISTS go ROCKA ROCKA ROCKA (:

haha and Taemin, thanks for the message (: you always seem to know everything! and I can't remember what I said to you that time! I can just spazz about SHINee anytime in the day..and I still keep the yellow post it note in the envelope and carry it everywhere (:
dongsaeng, always awesome, thanks for the maple syrup and for being there when I wanted you to be, for teaching me many valuable lessons, a listening ear, a counselor, a really awesome dongsaeng (that makes unnie feel as though you're like a kid), the best lab partner I've even gotten..honestly. and for putting up with my crazy antics..which somehow influenced you (:
Riffana, the great. there's a listening ear when I wanted to, and when I have problems I can always go to you, be it studies or emotional(:
YING CHAO! you're the brilliant friend, you put up with my annoying rantings and also crazy antics, gave me nice surprises and inform me about latest things, supporting me and providing me with a listening ear.
yay, you guys ROCKA ROCKA ROCKA too!

Anita, wow, I think the last 3 years was a hell of a roller coaster. but through it all, we've made it through, still alive and full of energy. we've made it through every single rock stone pebble obstacle barrier argument compliment journey ranting to come, blossom into matured people FOR ONCE (: and I'm so proud to call you my AWESOME SUPER COOL GOOD FRIEND.
Priyanka! 12 years of friendship and counting! need I say more?

yup, might be wondering why half the post is dedicated to my most closest friends in my life. well, can't I? I'm so blessed to have you all, I might not have shown it but deep down I really do appreciate all that you have done for me (:

oh, btw, I've changed my blogskin. (:

haha I shall post it again even though I said it personally to the person.

Hello Yujie, you're FANTABULOUS (:

let's all eat prawns (:

2day1night camp and I just came back, awesome~ :D there were lots of interesting stuff during the camp, honestly speaking. singing ringdingdong, a chunk of emotional heartbreak, re-enactment of Tsubasa Chronicles, burnscutswounds, curse-you-someone and the occasional craving. chem spa was okay, I suppose, minus the small spillage and the about-to-sleep-syndrome and the opposite-effect-of-sugar-rush, as said by Teh Lian. [btw, it only happens sometimes! there ARE times when I go hyper and super happy when I get sugar rush (: ]

battery died out on the second day, thanks. but the great thing was that I saw 27 and awesomelabpart. then she gave me 1/4 a pancake and the tub of maple syrup. (: saw my TAEMIN also! and I'm really sorry for abandoning you! haha you guys rocka rocka rocka (:

the confundedly amazing month of May is coming and I need to get presents for people (: especially dongsaeng. prelims should be around that period, oh no. reading Eldest and Brisingr again, and again, is actually fun cause I really love the story and plot.

that's all.

I feel gratitude to Allah s.w.t.;
for giving me a wonderful family that supports me directly and indirectly;
for providing me with a roof over my head and basic needs being met,
for answering my prayer during FDC,
for believing in me and giving me strength in times,
for being a place where I can pour out my opinions and thoughts,
for giving me a group of awesome, brilliant friends like awesomelabpartDongsaeng, Riffana, Ying Chao, TAEMIN.

_________________________________________________________________

I'm exhausted. just now had MTP, then after that I went with my dad and saw the Egyptian exhibition @National History Museum. it was interesting! I saw the canopic jars and real mummies there, and the statues. then after that I went to the interactive section for Kids (which wasn't really accurate because 66.6% of the people there were adults) and I made this paper pyramid and made bookmarks for Riffana and Ying Chao (: makan @Sakura Cuisine, then met Dongsaeng and the others at Bugis.

and the To Kill A Mockingbird play. alamak I tell you, after the play, dongsaeng and Riffana were emphasizing about how, cute, Tom Robinson (in the play) was. and I went "huh? you mean FAUZIE LAILY?" then I added "nyeh, Choi Minhooppa of SHINee is much better." then 3, 4, 7 and 27 went out together and we met Taemin. haha then I showed her the Mexicana Chicken CF video and we fell in love with the version A (: especially Key oppa, he's :D

pft I want to sleep. I have to do loads of things tmrw, so a packed schedule...at home.

he looked at me, while I tried to look away.

he tried to make me laugh, I just smiled forcefully.

he followed me, while I tried to escape.

he grabbed my hand, tight...

btw, it's quoted (: it's not my creation, su-wear.
so I just watched a snippet of Hello Baby episode 8, and I laughed hard again! SHINee oppas, everywhere they go something funny always happen. (:
oh and I saw another 2min moment in Hello Baby again! (;
went to sort out my livejournal icons in my thumbdrive because there's a huge chunk of icons that I haven't sorted out according to the members and group+pairings. and also went to upload new videos and pics onto the thumbdrive. and that means, I have to get a new thumbdrive.

I wonder what tapartoche means. I've heard of it somewhere, I just can't remember where.

as always, dongsaeng fell in love with the Jonghyun video that I found on youtube and uploaded to my phone. actually I love the ice cream scene and the Dazed and Confused photoshoot-video scene as well. and yes, HE's the badboy, not Key oppa ah! and she wants me to show it to Taemin. tmrw kay. (: and just now in school we went to see Taemin. I'm going to reiterate my point that it felt as though we were visiting a sick patient. technically yes, because Taemin just came back from OAC and EYEBAGS ~gasp!~. like me! oh yeah and she was damn tired. duh.

I was about to take out my Cedar handbook from my bag, then I saw this bulge. then "eh...?" something was in there (:
saturday. SATURDAY! shit damn but then yay. (:

there was a period of time when I LOVED Evanescence's songs. hm, like Lithium (that is a nice song) and I loved Amy Lee's vocals. well, until now I do. they described my emotions at a particular period of my life perfectly. but now, I'm gliterrrryy. (:
btw, speaking of music, I recently viewed my "Most Played Songs" on my phone, or whatever it was called. here's the pic:

Ring Ding Dong is still first! Not bad. (: and 3rd is A.Mi.Go!

okay I'm going to sleep now. I'm uber tired and I want to sleep. I need to sleep.

I remember, awesomelabpartner a.k.a lemon pudding (on my hp) a.k.a. dongsaeng telling me, "azri, can you help me change my password for my facebook?" well I said yes. but then, to cut yourself from Facebook for one year, hm, it's something to be considered about. I still go to my twitter and blog, dey. (:

anyway, yesterday was exhausting, sad but UBER HAPPY! congratulations to squad 31. it's a prime number by the way, yo (: we're super proud of you. all those trainings under the sun which led me to keep saying "are they crazy? they're going to get roasted/fried under that kind of weather?" to my friends everytime I walk past, really paid off. and the trophies were gold in colour (:

the sad thing (but not really big) was that in the morning, my Taemin badge came off form the safety pin. then after that, Key's badge came off from the safety pin ALSO, after being cooked under the sun. yes, cooked. under the super hot sun yesterday, Minho's, Onew's and Key's badges turned this shade of army green. I was able to "rescue" Key's badge on time (: then after the celebration, Onew's badge came off my pouch with the army green tinge on it! so I just gave up and took off Minho's badge. left them on Brisingr. Onew's and Minho's badges were COOKED. roasted, barbequed. but now, they turned back to the originally apple-not-so-dark-green shade they used to be (:

tan and I won our bet. next year, I hope our bet (for next year) won also (:

3 things that made me smile during the weekend.

1. we won! (: (:
2. I got Taemin and awesomelabpartner a.k.a. lemon pudding a.k.a dongsaeng something which I guarantee they like (:
3. saying the word "bloody assholes."

why number 3? : because I wanted to say that word so much very loud, but I often keep to myself so that people won't hear. now I finally did. and it made me feel so much better because I could let go of this bag of pent-up feelings that I have. and no, it's not depression and sadness.
why number 2? : because I know they like the gift and I can't wait to see their reaction.
why number 1? : why not?

gue nggak tahan bener. semalam gue nelpon tmn gue, gue hampir2 jerit2 di hp gue, tao. soalnya, gue marah ama pissed off dgn orang ya. gue nggak mahu sbut nama soalnya eh, nanti dimarahin lagi. dan gue nggak mau kejadian itu trjadi lgi. mrka pkir apa, mrka nggak ada kslahan? kayak jadi bukan manusia. SMUA manusia buat kslahan, gue dan tmn2 gue jugak. gue bilang, "klau gue mau gue mau aja _________. bener2. amit2 lah perkara itu nggak terjadi. pusing deh kpala gue, kpala si gue ini yg penuh dgn kmarahn.

okay that was a separate ranting. how to read it? oh maybe an Indonesian friend can be grabbed, and be made to sit down and translate this piece of junk, or rather ranting in my terms? or rather just ignore the entire rubbish thing and continue carrying on reading the rest of the post? oh well maybe the best solution is to just skip the entire thing, right, agreed.

oops, add in this thing! hey DONGSAENG if you're reading this I'm dedicating this vid to you! cause you're awesome. (:

DONGSAENG COME HERE you took super old pics of Choi Minho oppa! I got better ones here. (: [all images taken from shineee.net.] (but the 3rd one is from weareshining.com. )


number one.


number two!


number three!

DONGSAENG his smile! his smile! your Lee Minho oppa okay okay only. he's also TALL and has an awesome rapping voice, and he's FLAMING CHARISMA. (: omgiddy, my dongsaeng actually like JONGHYUN OPPA? okay lah, understood. tsk (:

_______________________________________________________

anyway, I want to scream, dongsaeng because I feel super pissed off and I'm going to reach boiling point soon. it's like I'm a gallon of oil and someone lighted it.

sab, sab! gue bener bener marah GILA. soalnya, ada yang buat gue marah. gue nggak tahan sama dia, jooi. BENER GILA. tapi, gue pikirin tmn2 gue ama loe, 'shikin, Fairuz...gue sabar lagi deh. ya tapi namun gue masih marah. soalnya, emang kita sbagai manusia perfect apa? gue nggak tahan ama org yg mikir dia segalanya. gue bete dan betah.

hey my TAEMIN! (: thanks for the note. so prettyy. (:

I just realized something. dongsaeng and I are going to keep the identity of my Taemin, or OUR Taemin a SECRET. although I think quite a number of people know already after I edited the link, well. (: I realized that after dongsaeng and I ran to the toilet and did something before phototaking! that incident is still funny. (:

+, I have to make a new box...

dongsaeng gave me a box of notes! (: when I got it I was shocked for 3 seconds then I wanted to say thank you but it was too noisy and I was distracted by something, and well, there were other factors in it (: then I read one by one. there was one that made me laugh hard! I LOVE YOU TOO (:

I feel quite happy today.
1. aside from dongsaeng giving me the box,
2. Ying Chao gave me a plastic case to put my EZ Link card stickers.
3. my SHINee folder file is utilized properly.
4. I managed to talk to Sabrina properly (: and Ashikin too!
5. I got more SHINee merch. having said that...
6. Mel and I got good marks for Maths T.A. again (:
7. there was something to do with Gloria but I can't remember what...
8. and I found something stashed under this huge pile of unnecessary stuff.
9. found the 2min scene cut @Hello Baby, and the Appa call scene also!

I think school's a lot more reasonable now. plus all those swear words that I say every second, like when I see someone that I don't really like.

stop.