hello.
because of things, that have cropped up,
I've moved to...

fortitudablity.tumblr.com

credits to fuckyeahdshinee.tumblr.com .

for giving us a wonderful leader that loves chicken,
for giving us the dino vocalist with killer vocals,
for giving us the almighty multi talented singer/rapper/dancer,
for giving us a rapper exuding with flaming charisma,
for giving us a dancer that constantly amazes us,

for making an awesome debut with Replay,
for becoming the Romeos of Juliettes,
for giving Shawols worldwide our SHINee World,
for making me fall in love via Ring Ding Dong,
for being able to achieve such fame and recognition within such a time frame,
for amazing everyone with Lucifer,
for charming us with Hello,

for giving us the light and shine in our lives,
for being the motivation in my life, especially during a crucial period,
for giving me friends that are extremely wonderful and dear,
for being the five shining stars in the sky,

Thank You.
happy SHINe3anniversary~

thank you to everyone for the awesome gifts on my birthday (which btw was more than 5 days ago) heehee^^ I love you guys a lot, I LOVE YOU JE VOUS AIMEZ SARANGHAEYO. :D

so what's been happening is that I got back some more lecture tests, I didn't do well in one particular test and it's kinda disappointing. but it thought me that, though we might be good in one subject in secondary school, but when it comes to JC, we'll meet so many people who is our match too, and compared to them they might be better at it. so, the remedy will be more practice, and revision. (: focus and concentration too!

by the way, apologies for the super long time frame between this post and the last post. but then, I don't think anyone reads this blog anyways, based on the tagboard and the many unknown people that spam on it and leave really weird messages. blogskin is back to SHINee ((: after a crazy and confusing period, plus plus I really need to do important things now. life is starting to get more controlled, and I might as well be able to survive. hopefully.

Aristal was a BLAST :D thank you NJMD for the wonderful moments and memories (and photos of course (: ), and spending rehearsals with you guys are always wonderful days, never boring or sad ones. I know it's only been approx. 2 months since i joined, but in a way they've helped me change a huge part of myself that I previously thought it would be impossible to. so I'm grateful ^^ the finale was brilliant and stunning. and Duong your solo was super COOL! you've done well trust me, birthday neighbour! and the best part is when classmates came down to support: Qingtuck, Kevin and Yuting. plus some OG mates too, it was really appreciated, thank you for coming down to support!
the sad thing is that I didn't take photo with Claudia and Xin Yi D: oh but never mind HAHA.

and just when I'm starting to feel that I'm slowly getting control of what's happening, I just realized that there's a whole pile of things that I haven't do, and I have to reply FB and text messages, reply emails, do GPP and some other stuff online. oh dear. well, let the crazy cycle of things happen again. (: stress is just a common thing right now, I've got to say.

what happens, if there's still feelings for a person? someone that, most definitely won't have feelings? or worse, someone who already has set eyes for someone else, and it is pretty obvious? it's not about me though, but what if. what if that kind of situation has swallowed me up? how will I manage, and how will I still be strong enough to put a barrier between my emotions, and my studies as well as my physical health. because every single thing, I've come to learn, has more intertwined links with other factors, more obvious and more strong than I can even think of. it feels stupid, not knowing about these.

brave the storm through the many difficulties. there's a world, that I've seen where it has gone through so much that I don't think I could even survive in that world. but that world, amazingly has managed to pull through all the obstacles, the lemons that life and destiny has given it, all the barbed wire that can definitely create an injury or two here and there, and survive, much stronger than before. the aura given, is more bright, shining and definitely conspicuous. and sometimes, when I step back, and just let everything swirl into a myriad of colours, there's always the little nudge that says, hey, why can't you be like that. and it makes the past experiences, or basically the past a minuscule problem. and it makes me feel
STUPID.
why wasn't I able to overcome those barriers, that might seem huge but actually is small. why wasn't I able to climb even a small hill. look at that world, there's so many Everests and Atacama Deserts and yet, still manage to survive. I don't know, I don't know. and in the end, the question is unanswered, and everything comes back to the same, monochromatic dazed situation it originally used to be.
but maybe the key is within eyes's sight, within arms' reach, within a stone's throw away. and maybe, it might be the answer to everything that I've believed in. in fact, it most definitely is.

OH by the way, I absolutely love After School's Shampoo. the MV really captures, and I like the storyline because well, I guess it's engaging? plus B2ST's Fiction :D haha the shuffling feet move during the chorus is pretty cool! then SHINee's Replay teaser for the Jap version came out and I can't wait for the full MV to come out! ((: Code-V is making a comeback, Boyfriend released the teaser for Water Floor and I just saw Block B's perf for Wanna B on Mucore and Mubank and Zico looks much much better. okay, one whole chunk of Kpop. haha. (:

speaking of which, the water's turning blue.

fine, there was lecture tests assignment quizzes and a whole load of crap that happened...
so I shall take a breather and try to go through everything with a positive, high mind. because it'll get worse and I trust myself. I hope. because well, heart has been cheating me for the past couple of weeks.
for example, I told myself, from the deepest chasms of my heart, please, don't cry. just try to close the tap. but I couldn't, I just had to wear the heart on my sleeves. it's really not good because... I don't know. I just feel like it.
continuation:
lecture tests assignment quizzes extra homework makeup sessions CCA lost friends stressed out life exploded mind STRESS STRESS STRESS.
khali khali khali.

everything is just spinning like the planets rotation in the Solar System and it's simply a huge mass of blurred colours and... I don't know. I really DON'T KNOW. I can't control, it's difficult to just grab the problem by its hands and just shake it by its shoulders, telling it to behave. because too much things have been going on, especially the part 2 weeks.
it's been a break from poetic transcriptions and codenames, substitutions, cipherations, treasure chests and lost keys.
because I am tired. I want a break, and I want to just talk to one person ONLY.
this one person whom, I don't know. I still don't know what's going on, I thought something would happen but... again, I don't know what on earth is going on.
standing on 2 feet itself is a chore by itself and it's just too much.
some time alone, for self-reflection. for ranting. for screaming and just venting what is in mind. for curahan hati sessions.

and the world was quiet,
the autumn leaves rustle.
quiet, with no footsteps, and the drop of a pin
reverberating through the sphere.

questions and the occasional gulp;
for certain dark secrets aren't meant to be shared.

wanted to get closer, to touch the glass dome;
the dream of being inside, and letting the grass run free;
but when the hammer strikes from a land elevated high
cracks and shatters the priceless surface,
abrasions on parallel reality.

the awkward feeling of trying to get something
but simply gun shot away from our bleeding hands.

unknowingly, as the hunter leaves the exploding
beach hut,
pearlescent blue lightsticks illuminate the fisherman's boat
set on course for an unknown destiny,

there is a key at the bottom of the shark's bay.
and a new treasure
is found, suddenly visible
beneath the thousand layers of autumn leaves falling.

though unscathed, with cuts and bruises as the mark of aperture and
loyalty,
and though the forest was littered in fire's remnants and debris,
captured polaroids and negatives won't be enough
to capture the eyes' beholding beauty.

for it was still suburban dreams,
as lights go on again.