hm.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to my I-think-tablepartner-ex-classmate YIXUAN on 1/04.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to my primary school friend ex-classmate QIAO YI and to my classmate HONG PEI, on 02/04.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to my very nice friend, primary school friend, now Cedarian friend JIEWEI, and also to my TALL classmate JOAN, on 03/04.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to my squadmate kindergardenfriend nurseryfriend ex-classmate primaryschoolfriend Cedarianfriend who plays badminton with me and is a SUPER SUPER GOOD FRIEND PRIYANKA, on 05/04.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to my ex-classmate squadmate XIN YI, on 13/04.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to my ex-classmate VANESSA, on 18/04.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to my primary school friend ex-Cedarian friend now in VJC AZRINA on 21/04.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to a very nice friend that I knew better during the STF trip and who I can always count as a listening ear, SITI FAIRUZ, on 22/04.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to my ex-classmate now still my classmate CHERMAINE on 27/04.

and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my very nice classmate JIAXUAN on TODAY, 29/04.


omg FAIRUZ I still remember the FROG incident you told me!
haha man I miss the STF trip. when I tried plucking all the little furry furry stuff from the blanket, the Price Is Right game, my FRENCH FOOTBALL T-SHIRT that I got for 20 bucks, the jus tebu that we all bought, then the halter top also...oh ya the TEA and the shop where we got the super cheapo stuff. okay you must CHEER UP ya? I know these past few days has been a rough time for you and me also. and thank you thank you for being such a very nice listening ear during MT and letting me smell the gel Ashikin bought for you. after today I hope you feel better okay (:

hopefully, in this term I can brave the storm.
clear up the air and try to repent, ask for forgiveness from people, improve my attitude (my BLEH NO.1 PRIORITY!). try to clear misunderstandings before they turn out to be even more complicated.

I don't know why I started crying after mother tongue. I guess after reflecting on myself then I realized that ____________. everything just came out because I just felt so guilty for causing all this. I've been made into an outcast-maybe this IS my fate and destiny.

it's not only emo week, it's EMO MONTH.

why? apparently this was the month where alot of changes were made. changes, like from good to bad, from bad to worse. and it was this month that I teared up the most. hm, I guess crying helps flood off the burden, I suppose(:

~to simplify it, I feel so bad.~

oh, thursday is 2 days away.

this is the STUPIDEST VIDEO I've ever seen.

tell them I said "Hi."

I MANAGED TO DO SELECTIVE COLOURIZATION.
like this:



which was accomplished after 5 rounds of trying to understand what the bleh was the person trying to say on the GIMP tutorial.

oh and I smell the outdoor cooking fire now, I don't know why.

HUNTER GOT MURDERED IN HARPER'S ISLAND. and almost all the people in forums, or friends or blogger, livejournalers, twitters, idk, thought he was the murderer. whoa, that give a big big blow. in the end he got murdered. okay, so we still don't know who the murderer is.

p.s. about hwee hoon's tag about the diamonds thing, that was because NIZA said about diamonds and I quote from her ah (:

I watched 3 concerts on the TV during the weekends (:

that reminds me, I have to replace the plaster tmrw morning because the one I'm wearing onmy finger is getting dirty AND it's not the waterproof kind. that makes it worse because if I wash dishes or bathe, or what people call "water-involved activities," then it would hurt because the water would seem through. and the box said : repells water and dirt. HA!

THANK YOU CHARLOTTE for helping me out through my problems and becoming a listening ear to me. I told you about that problem because both of you would know each other VERY VERY WELL (: and that I know you would understand her. and you are really very nice and very friendly! everytime always got smile one. through this week our friendship has been stronger and I really hope it would last. and WE SHALL BE HIGH. :D

it's the words ________
that makes you want to think twice
and either forget about everything
or reconsider what you are.

now I'm practising on the guitar for next THURSDAY and thanks to that I have a slight muscle strain or sprain, Idk, but most probably it's a strain. so while my wrist is taking some time to recover I might as well blog using my other free hand. but someone told me that if you feel pain that means you did really put in your best and even everything successful starts with a rocky start, or a painful start (:

CONGRATULATIONS to Cedar Table Tennis Team for winning this crucial match. okay about that, first they dismissed us at 1pm which was actually of no use because we didn't have a lunch break but it's okay. and riffana slept on the bus for a while! I really thought that I wanted to disturb her for a while but then I decided not to. then anita told me "eh this route is so freaky, it's like retracing our morning school van's route."

so then we reached Yishun Sports Hall, apparently just a 5 minuets walk from my house. honestly speaking, I've only been to the Yishun Stadium but not the sports hall. it was REALLY REALLY BIG. but one problem is that there wasn't any fans, so not only were the competitors sweating, but the supporters too! then they gave us this pair of clappers [which in the end I had to bring the whole bundle back home because tiffany dk where go ): ] and it's either blue or yellow. those clappers turn out to be used as fans as well,for some of us (: there was also the 2 yellow tubey things that make a very weird tong tong sound. haha I was practically screaming throughout the entire match and I swear that Irene would have called me "orang yang tidak waras (:" but because of this I have a really bad bad sore throat which affects my voice A LITTLE but when I sneeze or shout it will really hurt. te team really put in their best effort to win this match and we are all very very proud of you (:

CHARLOTTE LIM do you know you are very sweet? haha you always have that trademark smile and you're very approachable too (: and thank you for listening to my problems, hopefully it will clear some air also! and really really sorry for flooding your inbox during TT finals!

~I call it a whoops-a-daisy.~

I hope sleep can overcome the sore throat, headache, sore eyes and pressures I have today.
maybe it's that start of something new again...but of course there are some things that cannot be easily wiped off the surface of the earth. take for example, adversaries.

my lovely classmate really really made my today :D :D :D :D

THANK YOU. thank you a MILLION for really making my day. you don't realize it but you really really DO!

okay for once I can't wait to go to school tomorrow because for once I LOOK FORWARD to going to school tomorrow. can you believe it? I mean cause I wrote...uh 7 LETTERS to people, lalalala. maybe got someone reply? HAHA I know it's a bit crazy but yeah. also because I can't wait for something good to happen also (:

HWEE HOON AND I STUDIED CHEMISTRY UNDERGROUND :D
literally, but not really THAT under the ground. HAHA of course you don't get me.

I really feel good, and I have this boost of self esteem today. THANK YOU soo much for really really making my day today.

DahSyat awards.
Pendatang Baru : Hijau Daun

Video Clip TerDahSyat : Walau Habis Terang (Peterpan) [YAY (: (: (:]

Aksi Panggung : The Changcuters

Peran Dalam Video Clip TerDahSyat : Lukman Sardi (Malaikat Juga Tahu by Dewi Lestari)

Penyanyi Solo : Agnes Monica

Duo / Grup TerDahSyat : Duo Maia

Bintang Tamu Paling Komit : NineBall Band [YAY (: (: (:]

Bintang Tamu non Penyanyi TerDahSyat : Hillary Clinton

Tempat TerDahSyat : Ramayana Mall Bali

Lagu TerDahSyat : Cinta Ini Membunuhku (D'Masiv)

again, Im feeling down again. hmm possibly because I have a gut feeling that the theory "don't cry over spilt milk" exists? meaning, one small action leads to a really battering long way ahead. worse, at home it lessens. but in school...disastrous. everything comes back to me and whoa, I really want to cry again.

point to note: Ustaz Ruhaidzan has a blog. LOL (:

and who is blah on my tagboard? please tell me.

I don't deserve to be a good friend, let alone a FRIEND in the first place after everything that happened.

I got the slanted table for Chem, but it's okay (: and Hwee Hoon was very nice today because she brought this bag of nice nice things and say "nah you can have one." so sweet right? so I took OREO but too bad got no milk. OH OH I shall add this also even though it's a bit late. haha you're a really sweet NAPFA partner also! she always motivate people one and I know that even though you thought you weren't good at standing broad jump but YOU DID WELL IN EVERYTHING OKAY (: keep up the good work! and you know we walked back withour arms around each other's shoulders(:

after school I talked to Vidhya, which really really helps me ALOT :D thanks a million for being there. by right I can just pour out whatever I had to say and think about these past few days to you right on the spot but then I need to go home with priyanka, so yeah. sorry ): I mean, she kinda taught me to look on the bright side of everything! but haha, there ARE some times when you feel like the darkness is your best friend for the day. I know you have some problems also, which I know about, and you shared. I SHALL NOT TELL (: (: (: and I really appreciate you for listening to me.

oh man the person that I REALLY REALLY want to talk to went for choir as a supporter ): so I had to talk to fairuz. aye she was a good listening ear also (: thanks ah! I gave you a letter so you must reply ah. life is VERY unfair, I agree.

**** ****** **** ** ** ***** * ***** **** ****** ******** *** **** *** ******. * **** ********* ********, **** ** ******* ** **** **** ** **** **** ***** * ******** *****.

*********!

since I am so bored now, might as well just write, well stuff.

firstly I want to thank some people.

RUGAIYAH! you better go online and read this now. thank you a MILLION for trying so hard to cheer me up during these few days by making me play a game [which in the end didn't work, I think either cause one of our computers not working or what Idk, but thanks anyway (: ] you said very nice stuff to try to cheer me up also (: like you insisted that I should go eat and sleep even though I lost my appetite and hours of sleep.

SQUADMATES! darn I really really love you guys to the core. I already bleh everything out in one of the previous posts and yeah, I seriouly LOVE YOU GUYS. thank you for everything, from providing a listening ear, or just being there, showing some sort of concern, giving console, and being RETARDED, no offence at times. if I save up enough money I think I'll buy care bears for ALL of you.

I screwed my pieces today because I was thinking of something and that made me super distracted. I really want to treat anyone to something, maybe as simple as ice cream. I seriously, Idk why, have this gut feeling about something nice that's going to happen. I have a hunch about it but I'm not sure about it bah.

my eyes are sore.
and I'm slowly fading away.

but something's gone.

oh.
my shopping list for this month:

1. lamination for the cards
2. a GIANT GIANT bear for *cough cough*
3. pens pens PENS.

"Luna Maya dikabarkan telah menikah dengan Ariel di Bali"
WTH?!?!
I mean of course it would be a happy thing but seriously, it's uber unbelievable.

okay it's going to be 18 minutes more to my piano lesson ): and I know my first piece is like SHIT SHIT SHIT.

aside from finding my Red Cross notebook, (which of COURSE I'm super happy about), I also found my red vintage notebook, the one with my Indra drawing inside :D hm, and adding to yesterday, training haven't started when I met with Irene and Hana. then she said thanks for the CD, and also said something like

"when I look at the song list I was like WAH."
"you know all the songs there, you mean?"
"Ya (:"
"okay okay selamat selamat!"
that was because heng lah, maybe got some song they don't even know. I just took the best hits like Bukan Superstar and Oh Teganya then kacang putih mix everything up.

NIZA you know what? aside from you having a million dollar smile, you're very NICE and SWEET also. that's because you gave everyone Foxs for a week I think. oh and remember the purple cushions also? and, Idk, you provide a listening ear for me also that day. I don't know how you can have so many fingers in so many pies, but I complement you for that because you can really manage with everything. and I want you to know that
I VALUE YOU.

blogskins are harder to find these days.
seriously.

I went to school puffy eyed while listening to Downpour by Backstreet Boys.

but what's done is done.
let's start again BECAUSE;
it's the start of something new.
like newly polished diamonds that gleam in the sun,
unscratchable.

why bold italic underline?
because I BOLD ITALIC UNDERLINE.

I love my SQUADMATES; I really do. when times are down, they will always be there just to give you a hug, be a listening ear or just console you. and I found MY RED CROSS NOTEBOOK AFTER 5 MONTHS. 5 months, solid 5 months. and everyone of them is UNIQUE; take away one and it's no longer called 23. a prime number, a number made up of single digit consecutive numbers. no matter whether yall are a dodo chicken kukubandungbananahead alien monster retarded or other variations, we are still a SQUAD. and it's these very little moments, or moments that might not be significant at all, that make us ONE. take for example TODAY.

"lipton tea with sugar!"
and a whole lot of very retarded stuff.

oh look at Arti Sahabat by Nidji:
Tak mudah untuk kita
Hadapi perbedaan yang berarti
Tak mudah untuk kita
Lewati rintangan silih berganti

Kau masih berdiri
Kita masih di sini
Tunjukkan pada dunia
Arti sahabat
Kau teman sehati
Kita teman sejati
Hadapilah dunia
Genggam tanganku

Tak mudah untuk kita
Sadari saling mendengarkan hati
Tak mudah untuk kita
Pahami berbagi rasa di hati

Kau masih berdiri
Kita masih di sini
Tunjukkan pada dunia
Arti sahabat
Kau teman sehati
Kita teman sejati
Hadapilah dunia
Genggam tanganku

Kau adalah
Tempat ku membagi kisahku
Kau sempurna
Jadi bagian hidupku
Apapun kekuranganmu

don't you think it's meaningful? I think it is (:
its for you okay. (:

I just realized something, this was true.

Persistent sad, anxious or "empty" feelings - yup I have that

Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism - of course.

Feelings of guilt, worthlessness and/or helplessness - duh.

Irritability, restlessness - I have to move around ALL the time.

Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex -it's actually school work and other importan stuff.

Fatigue and decreased energy -yup, I fell asleep when I wasn't supposed to.

Difficulty concentrating, remembering details and making decisions -yup. I can't remember what people tell me 5 minutes ago.

Insomnia, early–morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping -yeah, only 4 hours per day.

Overeating, or appetite loss -I can eat 4 chicken wings and finish one plate of rice but today I don't even want to eat.

Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts -I think you know.

Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment -um, just a LITTLE.

try not to trigger me over the hill, if possible.

I'm very very very depressed right now.
please say I suck. I want to ______________________.
I want to change for the better. I admit, my behaviour and attitude sucks like ****. I want to change so that in future I can be a better person.
can you tell me, how?

I'm really, extremely sorry for causing your tears.
I'm very very very depressed because of this, right now. I'm scared you won't accept my reason.
I'm very scared of losing another friend again.
maybe I really suck after all this.

I think my eyes went sore today.
no really went sore.
I skipped morning assembly as I cried, in the toilet, figuring out why I'm so DUMB and IDIOTIC to do such a thing.
it lasted for 1 plus hours-physics was a blank.

why did I make you cry? and regret everything? why do I have to do such a thing, when ms lin told me the day before NOT to do so? I was over assumpting, typing the post without thinking. I was so stupid to do such a thing. even _________ was an option.

you told me that you don't want pressure. I would rather ______ so that, yeah. I don't even feel like going to school because I would be the laugh of the school, the talk. reducing you to tears, I can pick up a gun and shhot myself. or go to the 4th level and jump down, again.

I don't want to let you down EVER AGAIN.
and I don't want you to cry again because puffy eyes don't work out for you.
I don't want you to suffer,
to feel pain,
because you already had so much in your mind already.

I dont want to be a heartbreaker.
will you forgive me?
and be diamonds once more?

never again will I do such a thing on my friends.
you helped open my eyes before it's too late.

I'm starting new,
turning over a new leaf.
follow me here, in the heartbreakers' society.