last night, or rather just now during night time, I dreamnt of something horrible. I think the people that I've told about the dream knew who the person is. it's just...horrible. it took me a while to figure out what just happened.

my friend was dead in the dream. no, I didn't see her body, I just got news. well, in the dream I was in the canteen alone then suddenly I asked, "where's ___________?" to one of my friends, who also happens to be a classmate and she replied,

"oh, she's...dead."

and 75% of the dream was about me being depressed about her death and attending her funeral. I saw the coffin, I saw the photo, and I saw myself crying, non stop even when I was led away.

I wonder what does that mean. the dream, it was extremely shocking, and so horrible that I couldn't sleep for 15 minutes after I woke. I was about to cry, if death really reached this friend of mine. it's quite traumatic. because she holds a special place in my heart. and then, the tears just started coming out after Chem paper. what happens if it's true? I couldn't bear to let go, I guess.

but then, I think of it. does this have something to do with what I'm currently facing? what I'm currently doing? because somehow, it seems, that this particular vision, dream, had almost everything to do with my current situation.

oh great. btw, I updated the half above at school and this bottom chunk at night. so;

what am I suppose to feel? I specifically requested ~the things that I hate~. but when I see it, all my wounds are getting worse. not only the fracture in my heart that I initially wanted to mend, but the cuts on my lips as well. yep, there as well. and I've gotten more prone to injuries. as it comes to an end, I really hope so. I can float with air molecules but sometimes, all everyone needs is someone to remind them to come back to Earth. and this feeling that I have, has EVERYTHING to do with my current situation.

it's like a chain reaction.
I remembered, on Monday I said something nice.
but on Tuesday I somehow became the exact opposite and...yup. and I was thinking, "be stronger without you;". this is really annoying. and to think these kinds of things happen bang smack in the middle of Prelims, and I should be studying Geog now. it sucks. one thing that I always think is, in this situation, is it a one-man show, or rather the two parties contribute?

but I told myself, shut up and restrain.

maybe I shouldn't make a fuss of it. how is it that the gradient of the curve of foreverness escalates so high within less than a year. why, it took more than a year for bling bling and I to understand at least half of each other. so this thing, is really weird. or maybe there's a catalyst going on, a mysterious one. I should concentrate. focus on studies, on Prelims, and then see the results. I'd rather do things under the umbrella when it rains, and then when it's sunny, I put down the umbrella and step outside.

yes, I think I will. so I'll go focus on Geog now.

oh my goodness and guess what, the Kpop magazine in my homework file got ALL THE BIG BANG MEMBERS LABELLED WRONG. to summarize : Daesung is G Dragon, Taeyang is T.O.P., G Dragon is Seungri, T.O.P is...ah I can't remember but yeah. HUH WHAT THE -. and it got Lee Hongki's birthday wrong! but amazingly the SHINee one is perfectly correct. (: okay no offence ah.