for even though this link may be forbidden;
but I'll come and try to save
the friend trapped within inside.

for even when the guard refuses entry into the compound,
but I'll find the hidden passageways
and rescue the friend that longs for the freedom to sunshine.

confusion and conflict; I don't know what to do.
I've been turned away from the shop,
prevented from the object I most desire, the one that has caught my eyes.
but fear flames in the eyes
why?
apparently links that might be as soft as
raffia strings
can't seem to be broken, NO, not even with the strongest pair of scissors.

the battle in my head is not over,
and I can't let it possess me. for it will bring heavy damage,
a portal to doom and destruction.
NO
should I rescue that friend then?

questions to self, to ponder, to wonder.
but what if, the capacity can't be maintained?

at the end, the only way is to
sacrifice.
even though it may cut a piece of the heart
that is already hurt,
but in the light that gloom is a necessity;

so be it.

where did I go wrong, I lost a friend.
but not because I didn't know how to save a life.
I still can't figure out why.
the few listening ears left, the one that I told some of my secrets to.
but why, between the walls, it is now silence, closed lips, a frosty throat?
maybe, maybe somehow
we're not meant to be?
maybe it's fatigue. or laziness. or the fact that schedules are meant to be fulfilled.
but what if it's about me? something deep inside the well,
where no groundwater can be drawn out?
I wish pink clouds do exists,
and so do walking mannequins that play with pillows, cake and champagne.
I look at the faces...
do they mean well?
for reading faces and expressions is not as simple as showing colourless and pink in phenolphthalein.
tell me, please. I can't afford to ruin a rainbow serenade.

life has been a messups, couple of confusions and problems happened. but hey, JC life is like that. if I can't cope now then life in the working world is going to get a heck lot worse than now. so, guess perseverance is the key. for now, sacrifices have to be made, tears have to be shed, emotions released, bottles shattered. but it's all worth it. we are busy busy people, quoted by Qingtuck (:
by the way, there's this really nice Hong Kong dessert house at AMK that's really nice and the best part is, it's HALAL :D after having lunch at LJS with classmates (11SH20 FTW yay :D), Xian Yun, Yi Qing and I went there and the Muar Chee is absolutely delicious! but I prefer the peanut flavour (: anyways, the Mango Pomelo was really nice, thank you both of you! (: we should go there again. (:

is love merely the motion, the wave,
a mere emotion?

I can't.

the feelings of...of not being to be accepted, it just suddenly hits me. I thought I could cope. and that was what I've been trying to delude myself into thinking for the past one week. until now, when I saw those comments on something weirdly wonderful yet hurting.

won't talk to me that often.
but I still cherish, I still like.
this feeling still inside.
won't stick with me that often.
so now I regret even showing the secret, even exposing the truth and revealing what's hidden beneath the treasure chest.
why did I fall into traps that even a blind man can sense, feel. why was I so
STUPID?
we're still friends but I'm not sure.
I'm confused, sad,
maybe a mixture. but I definitely don't feel good.
I wish I could tell how I feel because
bottling up is most definitely not the best solution.
but then by telling, it'll be the worse thing ever
to having extremely damaged hair.
what should I do.

Ok.

To sum up everything... Weirdly amazing. Oh, and superbly tiring too, but hey, so far it's ok. I hope (:
this whole week was non-stop training! Not literally 24/7 training, but I have training every single day from Monday to today... And it's going to continue. Though it may be tiring but I LOVE IT.

GOLD WITH HONOURS, we can do it! Jiayou awesome people, you know who you are! ((: let's show that we deserve this, that our hard work and sweat blood tears, every single drop of them is worth it. And I love every single member of this family because this family, is really special and one of a kind. Something that has helped me be sane and keep calm cool and collected. I love Sara's beautiful composition, I love the song costume choreography steps formation props EVERYTHING. Tuesday and Thursday!

Anyways, Thursday was SHINee Jonghyun oppa's 21st birthday! it would be the norm to post a birthday card but really, schedule is too hectic to the extend that when I lie down being idle, I'll feel this weird pang of guilt. So I've no choice but to just post like this... And happy birthday to Co-Ed's Chanmi unnie, I miss your short blonde hair especially in Bbiribbom Bbaeribbom! :/

confusion.
When I look at the eyes, momentarily stunned; captured by enchantment.
Flawless were the hands,
the transition from a step... to another step.

it was not the beginning yet, when it came,
the era and break of dawn.
and existence of the sacred heart was
unfamiliar.

But wait, see the traffic lights in the night...

drawn together with two invisible bonds,
the forces unknown,
unexpected,
unaware by the speed.
Is love the mere building of a wall with bricks and cement, the mere special meeting, a mere
Emotion?

confusion.
As the choice to make
ended up in a crossroad to take.

The one to catch
or the one to be seen?
will there be a time where everything would just
STOP
and the beauty, oh so mesmerizing.
is it possible, that something would happen, away, away...

let the hourglass invert,
grapes soaked in acid and flesh,
with themes of
Infatuation.