dear CW oppa,

it has been 16 months since I've seen you, or rather talked to you, oppa. the last time was an email that you sent to me. well since then I've replied to that email quite alot but I haven't been getting replies for the time being...but I believe that's because you are busy, eh? (: I understand, I am also busy, oppa...I have a major exam this year and study is the most important thing!

I hope you like the birthday card that I gave you oppa. personally, I really liked the design. why I chose orange still remains a mystery, but well I guess it's because the colour combination is much better that way then.

I was reading through our online conversations and the emails that you sent...ah oppa, when I see them my heart starts beating again... I missed you too. ): you know oppa, when I am down and sad, somehow when I think of you I become happy again. sometimes I cry because I miss you really badly, sometimes I cry also because I will be thinking of all the sweet and happy memories that we had. and then I think of this particular star outside my window.

yes, apparently oppa, there is this little SHINing star outside my window that I always see every night when I gaze out. then I look, and stare and think of you...how are you there? I hope everything is perfectly alright and fine, and I also hope that you're happy, eh? and I really really hope you don't forget me. haha it's supposedly bedtime but I do not want to sleep oppa, my eyes can't shut. (:

I know you wanted to go to university right and pursue your Polish studies? wow when I saw that I just went :O because I never knew you could speak Polish! that's really :D now come to think of it, maybe I was a little childish and rude during those days. but oppa, I've grown up already, trust me! oppa if you come to school then you can see! (:

I like chocolate alot oppa. (: that was random. haha oppa, I think you're very sweet and awesome. cause you are my pooh bear, ne? (: AH OPPA. I forgot to do something...and I have to go now! ): okay oppa. take care oppa, I miss you and saranghaeyo...(:

haha what the heck, my foot.

today, twin and I went to Comic Connections @Kovan! but it was for a short while only cause she had to reach home by 12.30 pm. oh wells (: haha but again, it was a super fun trip. somehow it reminds me of Iljimae but anyway. maybe tomorrow we go out again. :D

today my tablepartner was in a good mood! I remembered one quote that was funny.
"their comeback was supposed to be on april 7th but ...(looks at watch) it's april 27th now..."
and it reminded me of Onew. and then the Holiday track turned out to be fake! so did the OnKey duet! maybe it's not fake. who knows?

SonicStage wont work, AGAIN. oh well. how?

frankly speaking, should I keep mum to myself and let the world spin around me like a spiral of colours? I think I should. yes, come to think of it, by keeping my big fat mouth shut, everything is much more better. cause guess what, this time the show is being played for everyone else to see. I used to be someone that, no matter how horrible the play is, I won't throw rotten tomatoes or popcorn, but will rather give a standing ovation and scream BRAVO. now, I will.
I've put on a new skin. sorry if it's unnoticeable.
I HAD ENOUGH.

how time flies. seriously (:

so now it's 1.29 am, according to my computer clock and I'm suppose to be trying to finish up my Physics for tmrw but I just need a break for a while, because let's just say for this week I have been studying and studying, doing homework 24/7. and sleeping late, not to mention (why yesterday I slept at 1.45am when I was supposed to have 2.4km today.) consequence? my head feels like as though there are a thousand hammers hitting my head, and it feels as though I only slept for 5 minutes. ah, well.

okay, so this week was AWESOME. haha I've been going back home with my twin for these past few days. thank you for making me smile, and thank you for being there, thank you for cheering me up during the rough period, thank you for being awesome. ily. (: OH AND IF YOU START LOVING JONGHYUN I'm just going to smack you on the face. [must stay to our awesome flamingcharisma (: ] ooh and today we went to comic connections! (I mean yesterday. since it's now 1 plus am) and I belanja-ed her.

T1: how about this one? (points to a SHINee pic)
T2: OMG please I have 5 copies of the exact same picture in my thumbdrive so don't bother! (:

so she picked a nice SHINee pic. and I bought 2 for myself! then we went back home and spazzed about guesswho...as usual (: AND YAY WE BOTH GOT A FOR 2.4KM, I'm so proud of you (: ~high fives~ urgh, now I hate the green bag that I brought to school cause one side is fully torn already. ):

my stomach is rumbling. (but I ate KitKat already...)

I'm losing weight. I've told some people what my ideal weight and height, and why already (: to some people it might be ridiculous but hey, it's quite okay what. (: no harm in doing such a thing. it's only harmful if I start becoming anorexic and bulimic. yes and I'm WIDE AWAKE AND STALKING SHINEEFACTS. (:

okay I think I'd better get back to my Physics.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IMOT THE TITANS (:

and google said The Titans released the 3rd album called Tantangan Masa Depan. or is it ALBUM III ? but there's no pics, and only about their new single. aargh. so confusing!

surprisingly, I'm laughing.

Joyce SFI sent me a nice MMS message that was actually a long time ago. but, KAMSA HAMNIDA <3

now, should I get the LG Lollipop or the iPhone that I've been dreaming of? the LG Lollipop, although not touch screen, but the display is adorable, and very cute. it's also endorsed by Big Bang and 2NE1! but the iPhone is touch screen and I like the message conversation mode. there's also iPod and a compass, as well as Wi-Fi. and the screen is huge and the colours are sharp. ):

should I be blogging now, at this time? actually I shouldn't - I should be studying for Chem and EMaths test tmrw. oh well. I squeezed some time today - although I promised myself initially that I won't open the com. then I realized, today I have to :/

my head today went boom boom bang. it felt like as though a thousand hammers is hitting my head. furthermore, my eyes were dry, causing them to be sore. so in school today, after going for counselling, I could have slept, so-called fainted. I could still remember that moment, when everything was just swirling and I couldn't concentrate on anything. bling bling wasn't there, but I learn to be independent. (shouldn't depend on her too much.) yep, that is one bloody damn lesson I have to learn.

maybe starting from today, I'm going to discover more about myself. what is my belief, my philosophy, how I view things from all aspects, from problems to dilemmas. what I like [and I LOVE SHINee is confirmed (: ], what I don't like, how I think. okay, now the pounding is coming back again, at a great timing. nice. here goes the journey that I escaped once. hoodies are nice, by the way - when I wear a jacket with a hoodie that covers my face and head, it means "I'm isolating myself because I need to reflect on myself;"

I realized that my iman is not kuat. now that is a bad sign, because Ustaz always say to think of Allah s.w.t. every single day, every single second. Allah The Most Compassionate, The Most Benevolent, The Most Merciful, The Forgiver, The All-Hearing, The All-Knowing, The All-Seeing. when I have a problem, I turn to Allah. when I want to scream out something in my mind, when I want to curhat, when I just needed to talk to someone, Allah s.w.t. will be always there for me. I obtain much more peace, ketenangan and more emotional strength being a Muslim. (: (:

okay. Idk why, I'm going to abruptly end here. ta.

I'll cut it short, really short today.
SUPER SUPER MTWIN, now we can get back to our project (: and it must be completed before six times 2!
I went for Northland's sports day today. haha all the p6 friends that I have go crowd around me and start to talk to me like to a big sister. they go bleh EVERYTHING. (: and I saw ARIANTY! (: (: haha, we can remember each other even though it has been 4 years.
and wow, BANG! by After School stopped already long time ago and I didn't realize. oh well.
plus, NO.

2nd oldest member of SHINee,
SHINee's Bling Bling,
Kim Jonghyun.

happy birthday Jonghyun oppa (:

okay recently I've been listening to LEE JUN KI. well he's the guy that played Iljimae in (yep) Iljimae. -.- okay ANYWAY! ah he's so :D so this is one of his songs, called J Style. I love the rhythm and melody (although a thousand one hundred people would tell me that there's no point listening to it because I don't understand the lyrics.)

[haha but don't worry twin, my I mean our preference is still the same. (: ] thank you so much for cheering me up for the past few days, spazzing about you know what you know who for every single day about 2-3 hours!
plus, TAEMIN, nice to know you loved the Taemin pic-on-a-stick that I gave you. or to be precise, 2 sticks. (: FIGHTING and stay HAPPY like our supercuteadorable leader ONEW :D

haha look what's on the top. :D

GOOD NIGHT MTWIN. (: sweet dreams! I'll go and take my dosage of TAEMINTS and CHARISMA. (: haha I had fun spazzing about you know who you know what with you! (: oh yup and TAEMIN ah, no problem (: Idk, I just like making people smile. so technically, your reaction brightened up my day (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRIYANKA the awesome squadmate friend and YUJIE the awesome squadmate and friend (:
HAHA.
I hope both of you dodos like the cake, although I thought it looks like some wedding cake or smth. ANYWAYS. (:
yay especially PRIYANKA : you have turned sweet sixteen, girl! yay I really hope our friendship goes until super forever. 12 years and counting! awesome awesome awesome. we were in same nursery, kindergarten, primary school (even same class in p6), secondary school, CCA, French class. (: (ya ya, with that stupid Avinash. haha Idk why I typed this down, really. it's for fun I suppose!) YES AND YOU PROMISED ME YOU'D GET SOMETHING SHINY FOR ME. (:

HAHA LOL and I'm spazzing via sms with Kashmiira about guess who, guess what. OHO LET'S GET HANBOKS. (:

HI ANG, THIS IS YOUR MYSTERIOUS POTTERY GUY. (:
ya ya, must be charmed by his smile right? admit (: I said his smile is cute via one sms alr lo. (:
BE HAPPY (: (:

I am twisting, but not in my grave. this is when, there is a fork in the road. and I see, through the future mist, that either path I take, it deviates back into one main path. but then again, it splits into two again.

I am tall. feel as though my head in is the sky, among the clouds, while both my feet are on the ground, down to earth. there must be a decision to be made, because sooner or later, I won't be able to handle this new found strength that I seem to have. and I won't be able to handle the new height.

I drank Persik-flavoured Mounted endorsed by Vierra. I feel woozy, and as though I just got off a fast-spinning carousel. normally, a carousel spins slowly, with the rocking horses and other antiquities bobbing up, and down? this one's a little different, it goes up and down fast, and spins fast. I get off and I am exhausted, my mind is spinning, and I quickly put barriers around me so that I won't bump into people unnecessarily and so that I can just, stay, and lay low, and rest for a while.
I've grown much more accustomed to the flats, sharps and naturals of life for the past few weeks. but it's for a good cause. they are tiny little boxes, monotonously bleached, but working together, it revives a musical box to life. it rejuvenates a soul, it wakens up a hidden dragon in a person that might be 50 miles away. it can liquidize a person's brain, and it can melt a heart.

I am sticking feathers in my head. yes, they might make a nice diadem, tiara, headress, whatever it's called. but, it's not for decoration, and neither is it for attracting attention, especially unnecessary attention. it's like a distress call. well, better sticking feathers in my head, rather than connect a series circuit with a bulb to my brain that can very well act like a battery. I hope not, because life is filling my brain with jigsaw puzzle pieces of information and I don't think there's space to insert additional charges in it. neither do I have enough money to buy additional wires.

I am walking some of my dogs down the street. as a Muslim, I am definitely not allowed to touch a dog, but these dogs are different. I walk them every single day, and they are hard to control at times. held by leashes, that I cannot even grip onto at times. they are there for me, even in the most ridiculous places. but sometimes, when they are unable to control, and I cannot hold on to the leashes any longer, I let go. I unleash them, technically. so then, these dogs, start destroying all in sight, including buildings, foundations, and most definitely people, sprouting all kinds of diseases. then, I clean up the mess that can take weeks to months, and I try to find my dogs and hold on to their leashes, ever so tightly, learning my mistakes. now they are safely locked up in a cage, but 2 hours ago they attempted to escape.

I am slowly flashforwarding. but, there is a twist. although I may be unconscious for a while, I cannot see what lies ahead for me for the next 6 months. this is not my part to visualize such dreams and events. maybe, after the silent period I might wake up and sprout a pair of new wings, or gaze through clear, wide screen glass panels, looking like a mannequin. maybe there will be a worm, waiting to come out and eat all the apples on Earth. if this worm exists, I definitely maybe. when two worlds slowly separate again, I might see the era of a new beginning, the beginning of a rainbow, not the pot of gold. I might see a white flag with mist in the distance.

I am going to gather up, all my rifles, guns, cannons, grenades, magic potions, magicians, troops, club, swords, bayonets, falchions, daggers, bow and arrows, pistols, machine guns, darts, blowpipes. I am preparing myself. I am not going on a war, because there is no enemy, and there is no battlefield. I am preparing myself for the opening, of the two hemispheres. but first, I am going to fuse together hydrogen and oxygen, and do what many people do before looking into a mirror, after something disastrous has happened.

this is it, maybe.
take a deep breath. a deep, deep breath.

go.

1. ZE:A album - Nativity album. eh I like Kpop too okay. (:
2. ROMEO and SHINee World poster version B...especially ROMEO!
3. another Y.O.U. album. (: for someone.

oh yes, look at Gloria's calculator and mine. (:

hey cheer up! BTW, JONGHYUN OPPA IS HOTTER IN BLONDE. I'm still sticking to the blonde hair preference. (: