"the unnie, the one to take her dongsaeng's hand and lead through the dark, misty forest, through lakes with crocodiles, through word attacks, through it all. the one to show an example by behaving properly, giving the ropes, teaching stuff that her dongsaeng knew. the unnie, that no matter what, stays strong for her dongsaeng so that she can live on to show her dongsaeng more things, so that her dongsaeng can grow up into a matured being in the years to come. the unnie, that treasures her dongsaeng no matter what and accepts her for who she is, and not morph her dongsaeng into something that will benefit the unnie, but not the dongsaeng. the unnie, that will always be truthful to her dongsaeng. the unnie, that will never, ever let go of her dongsaeng's hand even when circumstances tries to do so. and lastly, the unnie that will ALWAYS, be her dongsaeng's unnie."

my heart leaps up when I behold
a rainbow in the sky:
so was it when my life began,
so is it now I am a man,
so be it when I shall grow old
or let me die!
the child is father of the man:
and I could wish my days to be
bound each to each by natural piety.

just now I went out again. and bought SCREAM by TOKIO HOTEL...and NATIVITY by ZE:A! (took me ages to find that album and I finally gotten it :D) did you know that the ZE:A CDs come with an MV that when you slot the CD in your com, automatically plays? cool. (: and I love the photo shoot for that album also. wish they had some form of poster though. okay SHINee, when is your comeback?? the oppas on my wall are staring at me with their awesome cute eyes and I can only wait...


watch this!. HAHA I just laughed and laughed, even though it was midnight.

this is what awesome, SUPER AWESOME twin gave me.


and this is what I gave to my really really fantastic senorita.

(:

oh by the way, I got my LEAP FOR DETONATION album from ZE:A! I wanted Nativity but then I didn't go to Popular just now. oh wells. anyways, the album had this really cool stand with a photo of ZE:A. and I love the paper quality, so SHINEE~.
eh my twin went to Malaysia. and I'm patiently waiting. it's only 2 weeks more and I have so much to do :/
also, I listened to Haru Haru by Big Bang 6 times today. oh and I really liked Wrong Number by DBSK and Boom Boom by Super Junior!

"I love you,
even if it sometimes hurts."

돌아보지말고 떠나가라 또 나를 찾지말고 살아가라

너를 사랑했기에 후회없기에 좋았던 기억만 가져가라

그럭저럭 참아볼만해 그럭저럭 견뎌낼만해

넌 그럴수록 행복해야돼 하루하루 무뎌져가네;

for once I heaved a sigh of relief and think about; the blue sky, and what's going to be in store for me in the future. for once I breathe easy. just for once. but although it was stopped halfway, but still; I enjoyed it.
in time to come, let tears condense on window panes, on any cool surface. in time to come, may I have enough free time to just gaze out of the window, and see the beautiful scenery that is to offer outside. and I can breathe in the fresh air, running across the green green field and just enjoying myself.
because I just want to enjoy something beautiful.
right now, for a reason I am crying again, even though they are sore. I have no idea why, I guess it's because when a bubble pops the shock wave created rebounds again, and again, and again. it reminds me of Party Bubble Popper.
no, I shall just shut the door and isolate myself, and just pour everything out until everything's over. this cannot be happening but unfortunately, it becomes this way.
mian haeyo;
I'm sorry.

get me a gun again;
I'm going to die.
again.

why? I'm so confused right now and I feel so guilty and I just feel damn shit. it's really really horrible. right now I just want to scream out and cry and think about why I did what I did just now. it sucks, big time. I'm so sorry. I lost my appetite during lunch and I was really tired. I have absolutely NO MOOD to do anything.

SHINeeversary!!

HAPPY 2ND ANNIVERSARY SHINEE. saranghamnida! they've grown up so much, from the Replay days where all of them had more or less the same hairstyle, to now. what a huge difference. from all the hits that you all make, from Replay to Ring Ding Dong, they're all fantasticelastic. from Yunhanam to Hello Baby, what a transition. for the past 2 years, SHINee has achieved so much, ne? :D like Key's hair, there's so many colours within 2 years. haha (: from the dubu leader ONEW, bling bling JONGHYUN, almighty KEY, flaming charisma MINHO and makmae TAEMIN...the progress they make, in the Kpop music industry is really a commendable one. it's like world domination. hey I LOVE them not only cause they're cute but because their music is nice :D I remember it was Ring Ding Dong that first made me like SHINee. okay, those were the days... I wish you all the success for 2010! if 2009 is the YEAR OF US, then may 2010 be the same thing also, become SHINee's YEAR. SHINEE DAEBAK! :D

(by the way, I made the image above just before 11.53am.)

last night, or rather just now during night time, I dreamnt of something horrible. I think the people that I've told about the dream knew who the person is. it's just...horrible. it took me a while to figure out what just happened.

my friend was dead in the dream. no, I didn't see her body, I just got news. well, in the dream I was in the canteen alone then suddenly I asked, "where's ___________?" to one of my friends, who also happens to be a classmate and she replied,

"oh, she's...dead."

and 75% of the dream was about me being depressed about her death and attending her funeral. I saw the coffin, I saw the photo, and I saw myself crying, non stop even when I was led away.

I wonder what does that mean. the dream, it was extremely shocking, and so horrible that I couldn't sleep for 15 minutes after I woke. I was about to cry, if death really reached this friend of mine. it's quite traumatic. because she holds a special place in my heart. and then, the tears just started coming out after Chem paper. what happens if it's true? I couldn't bear to let go, I guess.

but then, I think of it. does this have something to do with what I'm currently facing? what I'm currently doing? because somehow, it seems, that this particular vision, dream, had almost everything to do with my current situation.

oh great. btw, I updated the half above at school and this bottom chunk at night. so;

what am I suppose to feel? I specifically requested ~the things that I hate~. but when I see it, all my wounds are getting worse. not only the fracture in my heart that I initially wanted to mend, but the cuts on my lips as well. yep, there as well. and I've gotten more prone to injuries. as it comes to an end, I really hope so. I can float with air molecules but sometimes, all everyone needs is someone to remind them to come back to Earth. and this feeling that I have, has EVERYTHING to do with my current situation.

it's like a chain reaction.
I remembered, on Monday I said something nice.
but on Tuesday I somehow became the exact opposite and...yup. and I was thinking, "be stronger without you;". this is really annoying. and to think these kinds of things happen bang smack in the middle of Prelims, and I should be studying Geog now. it sucks. one thing that I always think is, in this situation, is it a one-man show, or rather the two parties contribute?

but I told myself, shut up and restrain.

maybe I shouldn't make a fuss of it. how is it that the gradient of the curve of foreverness escalates so high within less than a year. why, it took more than a year for bling bling and I to understand at least half of each other. so this thing, is really weird. or maybe there's a catalyst going on, a mysterious one. I should concentrate. focus on studies, on Prelims, and then see the results. I'd rather do things under the umbrella when it rains, and then when it's sunny, I put down the umbrella and step outside.

yes, I think I will. so I'll go focus on Geog now.

oh my goodness and guess what, the Kpop magazine in my homework file got ALL THE BIG BANG MEMBERS LABELLED WRONG. to summarize : Daesung is G Dragon, Taeyang is T.O.P., G Dragon is Seungri, T.O.P is...ah I can't remember but yeah. HUH WHAT THE -. and it got Lee Hongki's birthday wrong! but amazingly the SHINee one is perfectly correct. (: okay no offence ah.

maybe we'll just take a walk
and hope that everything's over by then.

okay this post is in reply to someone's tag on another blog.

nowadays when I think of prelims and exams and all that crap, my mind goes RING DING DONG. plus, becoming a SHINEE GIRL stuck in THE SHINEE WORLD, listening to one of my favourite SHINee songs, REPLAY (BOOM TRACK)... but I know that there'll be so many A.MI.GOs in my life that will give support. because for me, LOVE SHOULD GO ON. for example, when I GRAZEd my knee, or if someone HITs ME, I won't be alone. I think of all that my friends, my family and my loved ones have done for me, IN MY ROOM, which happens to be the BEST PLACE to do these kinds of things. REALly, almost every single day, through all FOUR SEASONS. okay, back to the topic. guess what, no JOJOs can stop me from loving Y.O.U.. by following LOVE'S WAY, I guess you could say you're the ONE FOR ME. sigh; tonight I feel like TALKing TO YOU. I know you care about THE NAME I LOVED; the one that I've been thinking about for these past few months, the one that makes me say "oh so ROMANTIC." plus, the one that makes me think of ROMEO + JULIETTE.oh yes, digressing a bit, just remember that in Chemistry, just remember that LOVE's LIKE OXYGEN. back to the story. I've gone through so many fantasticelastic moments with you, I would love to REPLAY them all. for example, how you love Jonghyun! I loved his vocals in Y SI FUERA ELLA. what was the LAST GIFT that I gave to you, I can't remember. to some, memories are either FOREVER OR NEVER. but for me, these memories are brilliant, and worth to keep. I just want to say, PLEASE, DON'T GO. I love you, and you're awesome no matter what other people say. so speaking of say, haha, since I'm your JULIETTE, you're my SENORITA. promise me we'll stick together through thick and thin. when bees attack us, we'll GET DOWN together. I really appreciate all that you have done for me, even though it takes much courage and patience, as well as perseverance.

사랑해요, my friend.

what an epic moment. (:
2min the love (:

it's going to be really short today. but firstly, Tiffany and Felicia gave me a pink gerbera (is that the flower name?) it's pink and looks like a sunflower, and also a nice birthday card. aww thanks guys (: see I put in my room and it's definitely putting a little colour in my life.

what I'm going to say was, ever since I LOVED SHINee, which btw was last year, I've seen many ups and downs. I've taken criticism, and support and all the yada stuff that is really not worth mentionning. I've come across extremities, and the abnormalities. I know that every single day I'm sure to scream I LOVE SHINee to anyone of my friends, or associate something with the members, or just swoon over something related to them. but I want to tell, these friends, THANK YOU. thank you for putting up with this obsessive personality of mine and persevering through, even though some may hate it. even when they don't like, they at least don't show it to my face. or they show and at least apologize, or make up with something.
thank you, for being patient with me.
and thank you, kamsa hamnida, for just being there.

oh and I found this video on Joyce's blog. pretty cool (:

the second rip, shred, tear.
heartbreaker, I really can't bear.

so this is heartbreaker part 2.
but, but before that...
THANK YOU and KAMSA HAMNIDA to everyone who made my day wonderfully fantasticelastically brilliant today. okay I'll try and list... to my twin, my TAEMIN, my number4, bling bling, riffana, xue ming, the entire Kallang Wave, Irene and Hana, Sam, Jolene, Vidhya, Marlene and a whole bunch of other people. I LOVE THE GIFTS, heh (: ooh all so blue! and some SHINee integration. and the cake, haha I'm still laughing over it! okay well, it was awesome today! THANK YOU EVERYONE. (:

continuing back to heartbreaker part 2:
well things have been much airy nowadays. but heartbreaker, why does it keep cropping up? I've been quite distracted today actually, trying to hide it behind a fake smile just now in the evening. but I couldn't take it anymore, I just cried as I prayed and hope that tomorrow will be a better day. all the tears just started flowing out, like little waterfalls.

heartbreaker, I'm lying down, on a flat plane and waiting as I watch the fan spin around in this box with 4 walls. and I'm waiting, seemingly for something to happened. my brain feels like it's about to explode and everything feels so mumbo jumbo. but then I decided, that's enough. so I get up, and continue on, moving on. I can still feel the ache, and trying to forget it like mad. but nothing's changing. I can't breathe slowly, like as though something's sucking air from me. I look up and what do I see? just a white, plain old boring sky, with the fan still spinning.

heartbreaker, I wished so much, I piled up so much hope. I gave birth to a new passion. but somehow, like climbing down the hill, it was just too fast. it degraded like madness. I learnt then, to never put so much hope, on a false hope.

but then, heartbreaker, somehow I should never have put so much hope. yikes, I regretted it. maybe all this is too high paced, at winds of high speeds that can definitely help, but hinder at the same time. how on Earth did I become so childish?! why don't I just grow up. that is the same question I ask over and over again as I look at my heartbreaker. in the mirror.

the heartbreaker;
is me.

my heartbreaker;
how is it that it can just snap clean into 2?


that's because I feel like there's a heartbreaker in my life. without knowing ): sometimes I just want to yell and say "AARGH STOP!" but most of the time, I keep my mouth shut, cause it's much simple and easier. I can hear clearly, my heart being snapped into 2. something's making me down, and a little blue. it sucks, but well, that's life.

btw, why I put G Dragon there it's cause one of his songs is called Heartbreaker. and I love his concept, especially with the apple. come to think of it, maybe I'll buy an apple.

heartbreaker, why does these things happen to me. am I being too overly sensitive again? but then, I really don't know, because I'm so confused. I'm being online now, waiting for midnight to come and then I'll go and dream about the one little star outside my window. before I know it, I hear a crack sound. and then I start to crumble, and fall weak. it's like someone has sapped the energy out of me, and now I'm just a lifeless puppet with strings attached. try as I might to mend it, there's not enough plasters around to fix the mess. heartbreaker, see what has happened.

btw, SARAH TAN is getting her head in kpop also. :D haha I was shocked in the first place. hello primadonna (: haha you say LEE HONGKI IS CUTE. I still can't believe it. it's not a heartbreaker definitely, it's a jawdropper!

coming back to the main post, I don't know what is in store for me in the future. heartbreaker, please come back because...yikes. is it all just a fling? now I think of it. it has been high speed, climaxed fun with loads of hype for the past few weeks, a level which I have personally never shot at. how it came to be that high within a few months rather, I am still wondering. maybe I'm the one that is pulling the huge rope to the big musical on stage, but there's no hook to hang in on to. so I hold on to dear life...

and as I'm typing this post, I get remembered of milly. milly, I miss you freaking so much, and I know you're watching me from up there. I want to see you again, just like the times during my sec 3 life, especially, when we started making friends and then leading on to a solid, great friendship. but now, seeing you gone, I sometimes don't have the strength to go on. but when I think of you, I somehow have. I know you will be there, guiding me on, and supporting me. milly, you have seen my change, and I hope you will finally be happy (:

heartbreaker, I would like to see another beautiful sky again. not stained with blood like now.

I would really really like to post this everywhere.
AH THE 2MIN VIDEOS @Dream Team were EPIC. (:

it's quite some time ago, but I still haven't recovered yet from the effects of watching the videos. okay haha I think blingbling was the only one to see my reactions. OH, KEY AND YOOGEUN. <3

1. DBSK – Changmin, cause he's the cutest among the 5! to me.
2. Big Bang – Daesung, cause his vocals are :O .
3. Super Junior – Heechul! (my twin likes Donghae.) actually Ryeowook also, because of his awesome personality and Yesung, CUTE!
4. SHINee - HAHA I wanted to say all 5. but MINHO <3
5. 2PM – Nichkhun. oh my goodness it's so obvious why.
6. 2AM – Jo Kwon! his gag makes me rofl-ing. especially in some Star King episodes. and Seulong, for his charm...
7. B2ST – NEW! Gi Kwang the awesome! ((:
8. FT.Island – Seung Hyun. (:
9. F.cuz – Kan, he's unique.
10. ZE:A – Dongjun, because I'm loving his hair, and Kwanghee. then there's Kevin who can speak English and Korean, can dance, rap and singg.
11. Epik High – none.
12. MBLAQ – Lee Joon...especially after this Star Golden Bell episode!!
13. U-Kiss – ELI... and got Kiseop plus Dongho!
14. SS501 – Hyun Joong. but that is if I were to pick.
15. C.N.Blue – Minhyuk.
16. SNSD – Sunny, because of her bubbly personality.
17. Kara – Nicole (as well.) dancing?
18. 2NE1 – oops! I forgot :P Minzy and Park Bom.
19. 4minute – HyunA. sigh she's so pretty...
20. f(x) – Luna because she has brilliant vocals.
21. Wonder Girls - none.
22. After School - okay, now I like Raina. I have a reason, but too lazy to say...
23. Brown Eyed Girls – none.
24. Rainbow - none.
25. T-ara – none.
26. Jewelry - none.
27. Seeya - none.
28. Davichi – none.
29. Secret – none.

Favourite boy groups?
haiyo must I repeat this... SHINee! and ZE:A.

Favorite girl groups?
I don't have any, but I like SNSD and f(x).

Favourite pairings from the stated groups, or any other kpop artist(s)?
the only group that I know very very well is SHINee. so my favourite pairing from this quintet is 2min :D

Favourite solo artist(s)?
Lee Junki. he's considered right?

Favourite songs right now?
right now? B2ST - Shock and Change by HyunA. oh oh oh oh (: and surprisingly, f(x) - NUABO. it's the nananana part that's RING DING DONG-ing in my head (:

First Kpop love (group/solo)?
SHINee. (:

First variety show?
Star Golden Bell! the first episode I watched is when there was Onew, Minho and Taemin as well as Byun Gi Soo. and Minho did a makeup cf, just a short short one that was super hot. (:

Any dance you can do (from a mv)?
haha DEFINITELY not, think I got time ah.

A song you always/usually listen to every day?
RING DING DONG. it's my alarm tone, so technically I DO listen to it everyday. and also in school. and going out.

Your favorite music video?
I have loads of favourite music videos. and I believe each one has something unique. so yup (:

Any of your friends into Kpop and who?
a bunch of classmates in my class, especially my TP. then there's a group of friends in 4P also, oh and my twin and some other friends.

Which group/artistes can you see yourself being dedicated to for the rest of your time into kpop?
hm. that one, I won't answer. it's up to fate (:

I took the quiz from Joyce SFI's lj. (:

some people must be wondering why I said that 060502010 was a SHINee adventure. well, that's because on that day, my awesome ONEW a.k.a twin, (she upgraded, yes :D )went to alot of Comic Connection shops and got fascinated by the SHINee merch there!

this was really a long time ago but I felt that this was an appropriate moment to write about it. so after Maths remedial, I went with blingbling to the library and did the E Maths set of practice papers that Mr Tan gave while waiting for my ONEW to complete her Bio SPA. then she popped in and tapped my shoulder and I didn't even realize because guess I was really concentrating on my Maths. anyways, then I packed up and I was about to suggest going to Kovan, because Gloria said that she found her Jonghyun badge @ CCN Kovan. (plus, I wanted that badge badly.) haha surprisingly twin wanted to go there as well! she said to buy my birthday gift. aww (:

then we walked under the SUPER HOT HOT sun and reached PP MRT, took the train to Kovan and walked to the CCN. then I found it, and it was the last Jonghyun badge there! I mean it's good that now they are selling back the SHINee badges, the green coloured ones, but there was only one Jonghyun left. haha then I was extremely fascinated by all the new SHINee merch, like the pencil cases and the bags as well as the files imported from Everysing (I think.) then she bought some stuff that I didnt see. oh wells, it's going to be a surprise (:

just as we were about to go down the escalator, I remembered that there was a Taemin badge and that my awesome TAEMIN wanted it. "shit!" of course was my reaction. then my twin asked if I wanted to go up and I said, "nah it's okay. go to Bishan one lor. (:" OH YES I bought a Minho badge for my twin without knowing it. then I gave it outside as we were walking past the Singtel/Starhub/M1 shop I dk lah. her reaction was EPIC. of course lah dodo it was for you. (:

oh then we took the Circle Line and @ Serangoon MRT she asked if I wanted to go down the slippery slope but I said "haha now I want to go via travellator, can?" very nicely she followed (: then we went to Comic Connection @ Bishan and luckily there was the Taemin badge, phew! twin saw a SHINee handphone charm with a mirror at the back. at first I wanted it, then when she said she had no money I said "never mind I don't want I don't want." after that then I bought the Taemin badge and we both took the mrt and went back home! aw but it was sad that she alighted at Sembawang. oh but then right, I think I met ANITA :D (and I haven't talked to her for a long time...)

okay. (: now I'm doing my French redactions and also listening to SEOUL FM which rocks. (: now it's playing After School - Bang! (and btw I love their cheerleader concept.) tomorrow's a new week with the climax in the centre... sigh. (:

I LOVE...

it really sucks to fall sick, just days before Prelims. and whoa, the hall's going to be air con.

oh, there something on the -