so today I tried making BIBIMBAP which by the way is Korean mixed rice with vegetables. it's really healthy because I think 60% of it is vegetables (: and it's filling too! wanted to take pics of me preparing step by step but haha, guess I forgot :P but I took the final product:



my own bibimbap which consists of: beansprouts, spinach, shredded carrot, japanese cucumber, ground beef, shiitake mushrooms and a fried egg! it's suppose to be sunny side up but EPIC FAIL :P but in all, DELICIOUS.

Dear A,

please don't fall back. don't collapse. just believe in this small self of yours and you'd be fine. I know how much you had to go through, especially at midnights. but please, stay strong.

love, milly.

anyways, I found out this really awesome websited where they have great GIMP scripts (don't bother asking, there's something called the freaking INTERNET) and let's just say I twiddled here and twiddled there, so here are the results!

original photo was this:


then I did 4 different effects on it, for the sake of fun...

yay. GIMP the awesome.(:
it's therapy for today.

Tokio Hotel - Automatic
image from Google Image search,
brushes from deviantart.

Dear A,
firstly, let me ask you an important question. how stupid are you? you get hurt by the same person almost on a daily basis and common sense would have told you to just let go of that person and don't think about her in the first place. but why do you still keep clinging on to that friend as though you're so afraid to let go, so afraid to lose anyone? I know maybe it's cause of the past but HELLO, let bygones be bygones. life isn't all about that person. cherish all the other wonderful things that life has to offer. get a life, and move on.

you ask me why I didn't visit you as often. that's because I knew you had changed, from last time. and I can see a significant amount of change in you. you're no longer the small little girl that would cry almost every single thing, no longer the person who would give up easily. but it's as though that old self is coming back. and I'm coming back, I'm paying you a visit to warn you, to help you and to push that little personality trait of yours away. because I love you.

there are so many friends out there. the ones whom you think aren't significant actually are. those that are so much more better than the current ones whom you think you share this super super special, important, bond with them but in reality, let me tell you, those who you think really care about you, they don't know you well and so do you. like your hoobae? have you noticed how many times she has helped you, given you advice and really, makes you happy even in the darkest of moments? and yet you don't treasure. your eyes are all in the wrong place.

you accuse others of being blind, but you yourself are blind. Your life is short - every human's life is extremely short compared to life in the Alam Barzagh and in Syurga - so why not devote yourself spiritually, pray and constantly think of Allah S.W.T. because He will always be there for you no matter what? why, why why?

how stupid are you, to refusing to adapt to change, be stubborn and superbly sensitive? how stupid are you to get hurt over all the small, nitty gritty things? even after what the doctor said? you still don't want to change. it's better to reprimand you now, because then only will the message sink in. don't you dare become like Umbridge, who forced Harry to write 'I must not tell lies' with his own blood. don't expect things around you to change. YOU yourself has to change first, as quoted in the Quran. then only will Allah S.W.T. help you.

but I believe in you. I believe you can be aware, that you can change. because you CAN, and you can do it. you have the ability to persevere, and be brave. there's a treasure chest of courage within you that you didn't know.

even if the world turns their back against you, I'll be here for you, always.
♥, milly

Hi guys thanks so much for being my 'sidekicks' during GDA just now where we became super fangirls, getting super excited at every performance and commenting on weird stuff which I remembered there were but my memory's failing now. and Manager, you saw my entire collection of albums eh? Onew, SARANGHAEYO, you're awesome really. gosh, it's random! and the mags, though they were Indonesian but who the freaking heck cares when there's awesome pics to gaze upon eh? (:

happy birthday to Lee Kwanghaeng, Co-Ed School's 'rascal' vocalist and rapper! ~악동광행~

STATE OF THE UNION

IN:
HOOBAE:D
choreography
the number 2.

OUT:
broken promises
water bottles with no water in them
Jelly.

I LOVE TWITTER. ;)

in lieu of recent events, I have two major things to say. of course, they will be rephrased so as to not make any direct connections with anyone or anything.

so firstly, I've kinda observed something. Generation gap plays the main reason for many conflicts around the world. the older generation, or whatever term used to call them, they're able to face tough challenges, obstacles and hardship in their life. obviously it's because they have experience and have faced these kinds of things before. thus, it is a little rare to see them complaining about the pain, the hardship, the brutal treatment that they receive. however, noticeably, the younger generation or whatever term again, give them the same amount of hardship and challenges their sunbaes face and they can't take it. so they complain, throw tantrum, sue, retaliate, then pack their things and leave for a better life.

cruel as it seems, I think it's the truth in my perspective. and then the whole cycle starts again. it's impossible to say who's right and who's wrong at times because each personality trait has both advantages and disadvantages.

then soon, friends become enemies, and a strong relationship (or what may be a strong relationship in the eyes of others,) becomes destroyed. HELLO, where is the love? it is utter waste to build a building when in the end we ourselves, with our own hands destroy it.

secondly, instead of maintaining trust between each other, what comes out now is suspicions. take for example:
two girls, A and B are in the same school. A doesn't like B and starts to pick on her, insult her and becomes mean. B is a well-behaved and honest girl who on the other hand does not retaliate but rather remains the way she is, well-behaved. then, because of an event, A realizes her mistakes and sees that her attitude isn't that exemplary and starts to act nice to B, giving apologies and rendering her help in whatever way.

last time, people would feel that A has genuinely turned over a new leaf and is trying to learn from her mistakes, be a better person and improve herself, by being nice to B. that was what people thought in the past, I presume. (it's in my perspective, I repeat. I might be wrong though.) now, instead of believing that A has turned over a new leaf, now people think that A does not mean what she does and she simply does that to take advantage of B and ultimately hurt her more.

in this situation, it is again, the case of whether to believe or not to believe. it makes judgement even harder than tearing off a pineapple skin with our teeth. then confusion comes in and a stupid battle forms in our heads. like as though we don't have enough things to worry about.

I have no solutions because hey, those are just my opinions. I don't even want to think of a solution because there's too much in my mind. so there, that's what I have to say.

anyways, yesterday I went to Marina Barrage with some friends (#Onew and #Jonghyun were there, shall not divulge who else were there) and it wasfun (: I loved the water park, or whatever it is called. had a picnic and saw a sunburst + a faint rainbow amidst strong wind, colourful kites and green green grass. I'd like it if it happened again (:
plus, getting what I've wanted...soon. patience is the KEY ;)

and, I don't care what's happening anymore. the window that used to be open, the window where things can be hurled at (nice and bad things) is now closed. I'm disappointed, and I cry about it at times, but when I think about it - if I investigate I could be caught prying into other people's lives but if I don't, I'll continue to push myself more pain and hurt. so I've decided, I don't freaking CARE anymore. my only hope is that someday, that person wil wake up and see what's happening to me.

Interviewer: "In the dream team recording, Minho and Taemin got close to one another."

Taemin: "*laughs quietly* "Well, uhh, by pure accident actually, me and Minho kind of brushed lips in the hug, i jumped a little too hard, and he caught me an-"

Interviewer: "Wait, so you two are saying you kissed?"

Minho: "uh, yes.."

EPIC.

anyways, back to )): mood.

so be the dawn of a new day, the mist on the glass,
raindrops descending from heavenly skies.
hemispheres crack, the core explodes, mantle melting.
there was nothing wrong.
but then came the newspaper
GASP.
she felt her heart in her mouth, a swarm of things in her stomach.
no, she said, please don't...
but it was fate.

breathing heavily, mist camouflaged against the crowd,
she stood alone, shivering in her fear,
bearing the brute of the pain, trying her best to say.
crystal was coming, and it came.
colours swirled around her, the miasma of a rainbow, the epitome of failure.
but all she could see was the black darkness.
not even illuminated by the light of a small candle.

"why?" wae, pourquoi, not even any language could express
the scream that was muted
by the cold hostile air.

and all this time she thought she was good.
accepted.
at least, being loved.

but no, obviously by the television, it was not like that.
it was never meant to be that.
blind, oblivious. couldn't see, couldn't hear, the 5 senses vanishing into nothingness.
the fool, yes she was.

a fool because shards of glass clouded her head, as she thought how stupid she was.
a fool because she was eaten by a ferocious lion that was unlike Aslan.
a fool to overestimate herself and conquer the world.
a fool for getting deluded, slapped, betrayed, and hurt.
a fool because she loved someone, but that love was fake.

so be the red, crimson, dark vermillion.
as she slowly reconciles with her true fate.
silver pens and autumn leaves;
lips tight as she wait for the moment;

to feel free.

switched to a plain blogskin because I want to be free.
and I have my own reasons.

I don't know.

maybe it's because I overestimated myself.
maybe it's because 1.00 plusplus in the morning was my best friend. was.
maybe it's because some fine lines meant to be drawn are simply erased.
maybe it's because tears can have the property of Niagara Falls.
maybe it's because I should have slammed the door close, hanged up the telephone, shut the jar lid and screamed until my voice isn't there anymore.
maybe it's because top ain't top anymore.
maybe it's because I'm getting slapped smack in the face for something that I didn't even do, for goodness sake.
maybe it's because there are green and yellow rings on my fingers that are invisible.
maybe it's because some crystal balls are simply, crystal balls.
maybe it's because my throat is acting up on me until I sound like Co-Ed's Hyewon.
maybe it's because my foot is getting worse, and the muscle's all bundled up.
maybe it's because I'm horrendously blind such that I can't even see the shard of glass in front of me.
maybe it's because so much rice grains come in but what comes out is just one freaking grain.
maybe it's because tripods are going to play a very important role in my life.
maybe it's because letting go is the 2nd hardest thing to sleeping on a bed of thorns.
maybe it's because I'm barking up the wrong tree, gnawing, chewing, whatever...
maybe it's because the wolves are breeding in my mind.
maybe it's because the cow skin is stretched by ten thousand strings.
maybe it's because I loved someone.

I don't know.

sometimes, it's necessary to hold ourselves back, no matter how people describe ourselves as passionate or whether we ourselves have that passion. because at times, though happy I can be in doing that thing, or liking a particular thing, it just sometimes turns into sadness. not wanting to do it anymore. there's a change of heart, and suddenly the best friends turns out to become enemies.

it feels as though I stepped into something not knowing that it's a trap. it felt so tempting anyways. that's what they always do, trapping people by deceiving the mind into thinking that THAT place is like paradise, heaven. once in the trap, finally there's this, self-realization. and I try to climb out, escape but there's nothing that I can do.

we sometimes go too far into something, and in the end we ourselves get transformed three hundred and sixty degrees. to the point where we develop irrational hopes, fears and thoughts. clinging onto just nonsensical things that to an outsider seems so common sense and irrational. at this point, I have to stop, I MUST stop. though it's hard to let go, to leave that thing; or just simply be content with where I am now and not delve deeper. lest there will definitely be pain, not emotionally but physically.

it's called sacrifice, to give up something that is attached emotionally and bearing through all the pain. but it is necessary. there are many fine lines in this world that can be blurred, and it can turn dangerous. and then there is the case of multiple fine lines, and overlapping ones too. brave the storm, before it's too late.

today's also going to be a bit of a MINHO/TAEMIN/2MIN spam. again, for someone (: it's going to be Indonesian, so obviously if it's not understood, do me a favour and scroll down to see some other post or just click the cross in the red box at the top of the window yeah?

ntar, gue denger lagi-lagi ini suka sama SHINee, ya? (: sama MINHO si bias gue dan Taemin? kalo mau tau, aku ada banyak gambarnya mereka, lho! :D sekarang pasti udah kamu faham kenapa aku kalau lihat Minho/SHINee, aku dalam 'dreaming mode' lho.... ^_^ TERUTAMA SEKALI di majalah Korean Pop yg dulu2 aku beli di Gramedia... FOR YOU (:


ini conceptnya Lucifer dalam albumnya Lucifer itu lho... ;)


Taemin oppa yg dibilangin imut! (: ya emang sih... yah, dreaming lagi dehh. padahal mahu buat prnya les piano! :/


Taemin oppa lagi! um aku suka sama kaos nya (: tapi rambutnya sih, so-so lah. nggak seneng kalau panjang gitu lho.


MINHO OPPA! (: [oh ya, oppa itu kayak kakak lelaki gitu.] ganteng dehh...


oh ini ya, dalam uh apa namanya, reality show namanya Hello Baby. itu kayak Minta Tolong di RCTI, bukan sinetron gitu. kalo di Korsel itu sangat populer. ini adegan Minho oppa sama Taemin oppa tidur waktu istirahat. lucu deh, soalnya. cute!((:


nah ini uh, music videonya Lucifer. aku sama tmn2ku suka BANGET sama music videonya ini. soalnya kn, conceptnya lain, lagi 'daring' lah gitu. tapi aku suka, soalnya Minho potong rambut sih, jadi lagi ganteng! lols. ;)

okay, sini saja deh, untuk kali ini! nanti kalo mau picturenya lagi bilangin ya, sama aku, ya! :D

translation of lyrics are at : http://www.hotnewsonglyrics.com/snsd-mistake-lyrics.html

SNSD - My Mistake Lyrics

난 아직 제자리죠
여전히 그대 곁에서
헤매이다 지쳐서

오늘도 그댈 맴돌다
하루 또 하루 흘러 흘러서
여기까지 온거죠

알면서 아픈 내 맘 알면서도
웃는 그대가 날 더 아프게 하죠

나를 더 사랑하게 만들지 못한
내 잘못이죠

내가 더 사랑해서 만들어버린
내 잘못이죠

내 마음만큼 나를 더
사랑하게 하지 못했었던 거였죠
내 잘못이죠

얼마나 더 많은 시간을
눈물을 흘려야 하나요
그 약속만을 믿으며

기다려 달라던 거짓말
이제 속았던 내 욕심도
지쳐 버리고 만거죠

알면서 아픈 내 맘 다 알면서

그렇게 모른 척 웃을 순 없잖아요

나를 더 사랑하게 만들지 못한
내 잘못이죠

내가 더 사랑해서 만들어버린
내 잘못이죠

내 마음만큼 나를 더
사랑하게 하지 못했었던 거였죠
내 잘못이죠

가질 수 없는걸 알면서

멋대로 커진 내 마음이

혼자서 기다리다가
혼자서 후회하다가
사랑한 것도 잘못이네요

아픈 줄 알면서도 잊지를 못한
내 잘못이죠

내가 참 바보 같죠

다칠 껄 알면서도 비우지 못한
내 잘못이죠

모든 게 내 탓이래도

그래도 괜찮아요 그대만 있다면

언제까지나

이런 날 용서해줘요
그댈 사랑한 날

let's start off by saying a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my awesome #Taemin! (not Taemin oppa, notice the # sign there) saengil chukha hamnida~ thank you SO SO much for being there for me and being part of my life. I remember those times during O Level period where I had really rough times and you were there as a listening ear, providing me with advice and really showed concern. come to think of it, I was sick at that time and remember the 'miracle cure'? :D and thank you for being an awesome spazz buddy about well... you know who you know what ^_^ friends forever. (:

I think my feet are vulnerable to injuries because right now I have this pain in my foot which was confirmed to be a twisted muscle, and a huge cut across my big toe that is funnily shaped like a small letter 'y'. Obviously I wouldn't take a photo of it and slap it on this blog post for all to see right? but it really is like a 'y' and it got worse this morning. plus, all those mosquite bites that still hasn't healed and the big scab that looks like a breakfast disaster. oh wells.

The thing is, and I don't know if it technically is universally true, but can we overexert ourselves sometimes when doing the things we either are passionate about, or something new but physically demanding? I think that's the reason why so many things are happening before my very own eyes.

anyways, watched GD and TOP's MV for High High and it's kind of interesting. I like the song but sometimes GD looks weird. though I love him with the glasses (: speaking of Kpop, people have been asking me to watch Korean dramas. last time I did that was last year early March where I was watching Iljimae and recording almost every single episode. and I still love it (: I want to watch Tamra, the Island because there's an ang moh who speaks fluent Korean in the drama! how cool is that? and unique too ^_^ actually he's French but oh who cares.

considering a change for my blogskin, but as for now, I think I'll stick with this one first. (:

I'm sorry, I really am.

to just be in this, state of mind, I...don't know.

the stuffed pig is missing;

'if I could turn back time, I'd set things right.' I know, cliche. but...

it doesn't change anything.

there is a battle in my head and I really don't know what to do. it's chock full of confusion and endless mindaches.

I wish I could, I want. but I CAN'T.